Halal Soup


I got a halal chicken once because some Muslim friends were coming over and there’s a halal grocery/butcher within easy driving distance. Roasted it with rosemary and some lemon, thing was frigging delicious. Didn’t feel particularly inclined to love Mohammed more after eating it nor don a veil, though. Kosher hotdogs? Tasty. A bit disappointed I couldn’t speak a word of Hebrew after I took them off the grill. Last night, had this steak frite at a French place, but this morning I am no more French than, say, Della or Oscar.

I’m getting really bummed out here. Was planning to order takeout at some point this weekend, but if that doesn’t make me instantly Asian I’m done and it’s nothing but Lean Cuisine from here on out.


11 thoughts on “Halal Soup

  1. Well I’m going to eat nothing but Heinz baked beans to see if it turns me into an old fart…Uh wait.

  2. Order that takeout! You’ll become better at math.
    Campbell’s soups suck balls. You’d think these dickwads would be cheering the kidney damage, cardiovascular problems, high blood pressure, osteoperosis, and other health problems that come from eating the salt lick that’s in every can of Campbell’s soup. And hey–if you’re retaining a lot of water, you’re not going to be able to fit into that suicide vest, right?
    I can’t believe that these fucktards have a major impact on our society.

  3. One has to wonder if kosher-certified foods would also offend their “Christian” homes – because I know I pick up at least one item that some rabbi-klatch smacked its happy-go-lucky brand on every time I go to the grocery. I hear Muslims also use this process where they allow their bodies to manipulate internal structures to move air into and out of the lungs; please, Dear God, let the Christians decide breathing is to Muslimy for them – since the Christers want the Rapture to leave the Earth and everyone else wants them to go also, can’t we all get together in mutual harmony to slaughter the Bible-baters?

  4. i made sicilian/butter + soda cracker chicken yesterday. i am still german. so today i make americanish meatballs in ‘gravee’.

  5. The question is, will the Muslim folk lower their expectation of “food” to include Campbells???
    There are a lot of folk who go to the kosher establishments to eat chicken because the chicken is so fresh, tasty, unadulterated, …
    In town here, a mexican restaurant closed and a Mongolian barbecue is getting ready to open up there. The landlord won’t let them paint over a beautiful Mexican mural. Nor can they paint the rather colorful Mexican-style exterior. So what will that make the food? Mongo-Mex?

  6. Come to think of it, how many food products in the linked-to-bozo-commenters panty say Parve on the outside?
    Does that make them Orthodox?

  7. My friend Long down at the corner Vietnamese restaurant keeps promising me that if I just eat enough of those little red demon peppers that come with my bowl of Pho, I’ll start speaking Vietnamese, but so far, no joy. (Yes, this fits with the gag in this post, but it’s an actual running gag between us.)
    Also, speaking as someone who is allergic enough to dairy, and lactose intolerant enough for it to really matter, Ilove hexures. If it says “Pareve” on the label, it’s safe for my table! I don’t care so much if things are halal, but neither does it bunch my panties, if you get my drift.

  8. We had a thing over at The Twittah coming up with names for Campbell’s new Halal soup line. One person had “Jihadi Jambalaya.” I had “Chicken And Crescents And Stars.”
    Yeah this will go over about as well as the right wing’s boycott of Disney did. It’s all fun and games until someone’s kid needs to see “Beauty & The Beast” or they won’t stop crying. It’s all fine to boycott Campbell’s but who are you gonna switch to …Progresso? Bwaaaahaaaaaa.

  9. Oh, the Freepi are all over this like white on…um… never mind.
    I’ll have a one-pic response Monday.

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