At times in my life, I’ve wanted the powers of law enforcement. To arrest my crackhead neighbors for disturbing the peace by yelling Ludacris lyrics in the alley at 6 a.m. To subpeona information some jackass was stalling on for a story. To put George W. Bush in prison for war crimes. I would exercise eminent domain thehell over the craptastic big-box pharmacy that should have been a bookstore down the block. Not to mention locking up every goddamn van driver who can’t make a left turn downtown in less than 25 agonizing minutes. Oh, have I wanted the powers of law enforcement.
But I’ve never actually paid ‘roided-up dickheads to act like my personal army just CUZ.Somehow, I’ve never managed to go that crazy: