Baptists With Shoes

That’s, of course, an old Episcopalian joke about Methodists.Judson Phillips, one of the Tea Party Nation’s honchos, however, thinks they’re not only shod but their shoes are pink or is that pinko?

When I was in Washington this past Friday, I walked by the United Methodist Building, next to the Russell Office Building. The sign in front of the United Methodist Building said, “Pass the DREAM Act.”

I have a DREAM. That is, no more United Methodist Church.

I grew up in the Methodist church. I left as a teenager because the Methodist Church is little more than the first Church of Karl Marx. After all, what can you say about a church that considers Hillary Clinton to be a member in good standing?

Today, the Methodist Church is little more than the “religious” arm of socialism.

So, have the Methodists replaced the Bible with Mao’s little red book? Just wondering because I’ve never been in a Methodist Church but Judson Phillips believes there’s some pinko method to their Methodist madness. It’s interesting how helping other people is Marxism instead of Christian charity. Is kicking the other fella in the teeth Americanism? I did not know that…

This post is largely an exercise in posting an old joke as well as an old Frank Zappa song fromOne Size Fits All. It was the last and best edition of the Mothers: Zappa, George Duke, Napoleon Murphy Brock, Ruth Underwood, Chester Thompson and Tom Fowler. It’s dedicated to Baptists with shoes everywhere as well as my fellow FZ fanEditilla:

13 thoughts on “Baptists With Shoes

  1. Elspeth Ravenwind says:

    Before I fled the church for the forest – I was being raised somewhat lapsed-Methodist. (FTR – didn’t hate the Methodist Church, just the general misogynism of Christianity)
    Last I saw, they were doing the Debbil’s work by *gasp*/*clutch pearls* teaching the tenets of Jesus Christ! Y’know be good to one another, help out if possible, be there for your neighbor…
    Damned commie pinko thugs…I should have known…

  2. MapleStreet says:

    As I remember it, Jesus was a threat to the establishment.
    Shame to those Christians talking about Justice rather than falling in line with the repub dogma !

  3. Scott says:

    Methodist-turned-atheist here, but still with fond feelings for the UMC, mainly because they’re one of the few denominations that seems to care more for doing good than doing assholery — which is probably why Judson hates ’em so much…

  4. mellowjohn says:

    good on ya for giving frank a shout-out on the last day of zappadan.

  5. left rev., ferret envy says:

    I’m an ordained United Methodist pastor, and I can attest that we’re totally a bunch of communosocialistopenheartsopendoorsopenminders.
    And we rock hot dish carry ins.
    Judson is better off to be shut of us, I’d say.

  6. Phalamir says:

    Methodists have generally been a middle-of-the-road denomination. Attitudes among Methodists (and thus the attitude of the Discipline) tend to hew almost pathologically to whatever the median view of the American population is. So, the UMC ordains women, but not gays; nor allows gay marriage, but generally doesn’t flop around on the floor bitching and whining about “teh queerz”, either. The Discipline is actually kinda fun to read, if you like statements on social ideas that are subtly crafted to be as bland as possible to the broadest audience possible 🙂 And thus, it tends to drive away the foaming rat-fuckers like Judson Phillips, who want a church family with all the moral surety of a rock, and the mental activity to match. Since they won’t stamp around and show their asses like the Molech-Churchs (SBC, non-denom, pentacaustic), the Methodists lose membership to those that equate faith with assholery, but that does tend to drive them slowly more towards the Gospel-ly side of the Christian spectrum – in a few decades, they may be too small to count as a major denomination, but they will probably be much closer to a Church I might rejoin.

  7. Robert Earle says:

    I can see why somebody might question Bill Clinton being a “a member in good standing” of this or that church, but what did Hillary ever do that is so objectionable?

  8. azportsider says:

    @Robert Earle: while it’s true that the rightwing religiotards despise both Clintons (twenty years of unremitting demonization will do this), they reserve their special spittle-flecked hatred for Hillary because she’s a woman. It’s a matter of christofascist misogyny. Say her name, no matter the relevance to the topic at hand, and the hatred flows. No, there’s no rhyme or reason to this, but then when have the teabaggers ever paid any attention to actual logic?

  9. CVS says:

    As an agnostic bordering on atheism, I have always found competing interpreters of the sky god fighting with each other to be eerily synonymous with two inmates at an asylum calling each other crazy.

  10. left rev., ferret envy says:

    Phalamir
    good points, all.
    and among much of the leadership in the UMC, this trend of shrinking and self critical discernment is not seen as BAD thing at all
    the congregations, on the other hand, who remember the “golden” days of being the largest protestant denomination in the country, are not there yet and are thrashing about, trying to figure out how to remain relevant.
    worship wars, “grassroots” renewal movements, pastoral authority, and an upcoming polity battle are all a part of this.
    I’m just a simple country parson, myself, and toeing a very fine line. as long as I feel that my voice can still be heard and my vocation acknowledged in its fullness, I’ll stick around and do the work. if things solidify in the direction of the conservative/evangelical, they’ll lose me and possibly lose over 40% of the elders, about the same number of members, and probably 2–30% of the Bishops.
    Gonna be an intresting ride, to say the least.

  11. adrastos says:

    I wonder if Judhead thinks Laura Bush is a crypto-commie.

  12. mothra says:

    One reason the Methodist church lost me is because they won’t ordain gay preachers. Can’t join a church that practices prejudice. However I will say that being raised in the Methodist church, I was taught that the purpose of churches was to do good in the community: feed and clothe the poor, do social work, etc. Also have to say that my church always welcomed (well, maybe not welcomed, but allowed) homeless people to come in and warm up and gave them sandwiches. Thus, practicing what Jesus preached.
    So, yeah, that’s why Judson Phillips doesn’t like them.

  13. Brenda Helverson says:

    “[S]tatements on social ideas that are subtly crafted to be as bland as possible to the broadest audience possible :)”
    Brings back memories of taking a Contemporary Christian Ethics class at a Jesuit University from an ex-Nun. We were studying the Papal statement opposing the death penalty and my super-Methodist Aunt gave me a copy of the position of the United Methodist Church. After many readings I really couldn’t figure out what it was trying to say.
    Although the United Methodist Church is generally on the side of right, letting Little bush put the Pet Goat Library at SMU over Faculy protest really didn’t help. But the UMC has always had a soft spot for the Almighty Dollar. If not always for the Almighty Herself.

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