Season’s Heavings

Spending holidays on the road again with family and friends. The Midget managed to throw up in the car twice, which led to some frivolity as we cleaned her, the car and her car seat. Windex and blue truck-stop towels were flying everywhere. She even got vomit on her stuffed moose.

I had to buy a bucket of caramel corn at this truck stop just so we could have the bucket (as no actual buckets were available) in case she hurled again. I bought a roll of paper towel, a bottle of Windex, the caramel corn and asked for four plastic bags. The woman at the counter didn’t bat an eyelash as she noted they see people doing this vomit dance at least twice a day during the holidays. Upon returning to the car with the bucket, a half-naked Midget asked “You’re not going to throw out the caramel corn, are you?” Minutes later, she asked if we could stop at A & W for lunch.

Wanted to buy an air freshener, but they mostly had stuff that smelled like my hippie ex-roommate’s incense stash. They also had some nice smelling ones that were from the “JennA!” collection, which had black bars across the photos on the freshener. Passed on those.

She’s also got what she refers to as a case of the “fart pees” which is when she lets some diarrhea slip when she farts. She swears she accidentally peed. We’ve got her in pull ups and supplies are running low. She will be playing an angel in the Christmas pageant in less than four hours and we’re not sure what would look worse: an angel with a caramel corn bucket or one with a giant diaper on.

Still, it’s stuff like this that makes for memorable Christmases. That and the fact she’s been singing this song for the past six days:

Have a happy, safe and vomit-free holidays from your favorite doctor of paper. I’ll be at the Rose Bowl next week, so no post forthcoming. I’ll send something along on Monday or Friday of the week after.

Best to you all!


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