Your Turkey is Trying to Convert You

Somebody please, please, please get these people a hobby.

I wonder if all the fish I’ve eaten on Fridays cancels out the halal chicken I once ate because hey, free chicken. I wrote about a processing plant opening and they gave me a chicken. Even though I wasn’t supposed to accept the chicken, when there’s a guy handing you a chicken and you’ve already politely declined twice and he’s still holding it out to you, what do you do, shove it back at him?

Also, research! I stuffed a lemon and some rosemary up it and roasted its blessed ass. I would do anything for my readers.

It’s important to Muslims that the turkey be halal, so as long as it doesn’t change the way the turkey tastes to me, the hell do I care if the turkey is halal? If it changed how much the turkeycost, that would be another matter (albeit one that was still less important to me than, say, how tasty the turkey was), but the idea that your food is somehow nefariously contributing to the spread of Islam in America is just silly. If Butterball didn’t make the turkeys halal, it’s not like there would be no other options for halal food and all the Muslims would go somewhere else.

We have this thing going on right now where if you’re not actively validated for offending people in some pointless manner, you are somehow suffering under the yoke of PC liberalism. It’s not enough that you don’t need a halal turkey, it’s that you’re somehow not doing your job if you’re not actively denying someone the halal turkey they need. I swear our civics classes need to include teaching the ability to look at people who need and/or want things we don’t and justshrug.

A.

15 thoughts on “Your Turkey is Trying to Convert You

  1. racymind says:

    I swear our civics classes need to include teaching the ability to look at people who need and/or want things we don’t and just shrug.
    Can nobody say “Meh” anymore?!

  2. virgotex says:

    But hey, look on the bright side, Pammy. About half of those Butterballs will likely contain some level of antiobiotic-resistant staph aureus! That’ll teach those sneaky brown people:
    http://healthimpactnews.com/2011/high-levels-of-drug-resistant-bacteria-found-in-supermarket-meat/

  3. m says:

    Correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t halal the same as kosher? And isn’t Pam Brainless Jewish?

  4. ...now I try to be amused says:

    Halal chicken kabab is tasty!
    “Correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t halal the same as kosher?”
    If not the same in every particular, it’s the same idea.

  5. mass says:

    What happens if you put kosher salt on a halal turkey?
    Peace in our time? Forty years of war and desert wandering? The return of Bebe Jesus?

  6. Tom Allen says:

    I prefer to order m’halal chicken from m’diner, though it seems to take weeks to arrive. 🙂

  7. adrastos says:

    One of the dumbest things I’ve ever heard and that’s saying a lot. Hmmm, I wonder if it tastes good with pepper spray?

  8. mothra says:

    m: halal is basically the same as kosher, as in the method of slaughter is meant to be as quick and painless as possible. So those turkeys are likely kosher as well, although to be kosher they have to officially have been slaughtered by a “pious” man or rabbi. I believe most kosher slaughterhouses just have a rabbit sitting around to satisfy this requirement. Also, the difference between halal and kosher is that a prayer to Allah must be said before and during the slaughter, as Allah is the granter of life and death. That is the part Islamophobe Geller probably objects to the most.

  9. Jude says:

    In a world that has created the abomination known as Tofurky, the magic words said over a real turkey are hardly a concern.

  10. Elspeth Ravenwind says:

    Wow, a critter for consumption being whacked w/some care and respect – how un-Amurikkkan. If I was inclined to stress over cooking a bird – I’d prefer a Kosher or Halal turkey vs the usual mass extinction w/no regard for the thing (reference: La Palin and her turkey throttling i’view…). Hell, I would prefer all of the fowl/beef/pork products I’d acquire to be treated humanely and if that’s to buy Halal – I’d go for it.
    As it stands, my Boo and I are hoping to head out of town to visit friends for the holiday – and we all may just go out to eat and not stress over the kitchen other than for finding the wine opener and dessert (my boss gave us each a cheesecake factory pumpkin cheesecake!!!).

  11. pansypoo says:

    i am thinking about thanksgiving bacon.

  12. dan mcenroe says:

    We have this thing going on right now where if you’re not actively validated for offending people in some pointless manner, you are somehow suffering under the yoke of PC liberalism.
    The only people in the world who are allowed to be offended are the ones who crusade against political correctness. Didn’t you get the memo?
    There was a halal market in my old neighborhood in Queens, NY. They did their own slaughtering, and were a bit lax when it came to security. The police were always being called to round up stray goats or whatever. The escaped bull was kind of a trip.

  13. azportsider says:

    Interesting that you should mention escaped bull in a comment to a post about Pammy the Incurably Stupid, Dan. Maximally appropriate too!

  14. PurpleGirl says:

    A former controller of the non-profit I worked for was a Muslim (probably from Pakistan or maybe northern India — he never precisely placed where his family was from). Anyway, one day he overhead me explaining to some new staffers why we bought the pizza for office pizza lunches from a Kosher pizza shop. He told me that before there were enough Muslims living on Long Island to sustain a Halal butcher shop, he and most Muslims shopped at Kosher butcher shops. The requirements of Halal dietary laws being close to Kosher rules, it was the best solution to the problem of finding and buying properly handled meat.

  15. Jay in Oregon says:

    So is Pam saying that the evil Mooslim moon-god prayers that they say over the turkey are so perfidious that they are incapable of being overcome by the Christian prayers that are said on Thanksgiving? That their magic words are more powerful than our magic words?
    She might want to rethink that line of “reasoning”…

Comments are closed.

%d bloggers like this: