Top 5 Things I Thought Were April Fool’s Jokes (But Weren’t)

1- Anne Romney sayingMitt isn’t stiff, just unzip him and see for yourself!

I just … I’m sorry, there simply isn’t anything to add to that.

2- The announcement that Sarah Palin isco-hosting the Today Show today in a “face off” against Katie Couric, who is co-hosting Good Morning America.

Yes, this is really happening. I realize the morning snooze is to real journalism as pink slime is to actual beef, but I thought these people at least pretended to be more serious than a junior high school cafeteria. I mean, really? And Washington Post, what the fuck is wrong with you?

Viewers will cast their votes with their clickers Tuesday.

Yes. Yes, I will. I’ll be tuning in to the BBC World Report on my XM radio. Because people are dying, wars are waging, the planet is heating, and we don’t have time for your stupid teenage bullshit.

3- The Romney campaign’ssad attempt to humanize Mitt by releasing video of their April Fool’s joke: bringing him to a “campaign event” in Wisconsin, which turned out to be an empty ballroom. So awesome, you guyz!

They even got Wisconsin Rep. Paul Ryan and U.S. Senator Ron Johnson in on the joke.

I don’t get why this was supposed to be funny. Republicans have thrown up every creepy crawly hiding beneath the conservative rock in a pathetic attempt to find a candidate — any candidate — who isn’t Mitt Romney. Herman Cain? Hello? I’m thinking an empty banquet hall is not a joke but an entirely plausible scenario.

That they lack the self-awareness to understand this makes me think the problem isn’t just Mitt but every one of the Mitt-wits. This isn’t a tin ear. This is Pod People From Another Planet.

4- Arlen Spectorhad a hissy fit on a conservative talk radio show because host Jason Lewis didn’t ask him about the book he’s hawking:

“I have one final comment, I gave you 10 minutes. You’ve been over every subject except for my book. I’ve listened to two rounds of your commercials. I think it’s insulting. I’ve been in a lot of interviews in the course of the past 30 years and you are absolutely insulting!”

I don’t know who Jason Lewis is, for all I know he’s a gigantic asshole entirely deserving of a righteous tongue-lashing. But not over this. Dry up, you big baby. You’re a former U.S. Senator. No one is under any obligation to help you sell your damn book, no, not even a conservative talk show host. Buy an ad if that’s what you want.

5- Mary J. Blige’s adfor Burger King’s chicken snack wraps. So much fail.

[UPDATE]: Universal Music Group pulled the Blige video but I found itover at VH-1.

9 thoughts on “Top 5 Things I Thought Were April Fool’s Jokes (But Weren’t)

  1. Aww shucks.
    This video contains content from UMG, who has blocked it in your country on copyright grounds.
    Sorry about that.

  2. This video contains content from UMG, who has blocked it in your country on copyright grounds.

    Hilarious. Looks like even UMG is embarrassed.

  3. Burger King has roped in Leno and Beckham…and how many other celebs??? For what? Like Becks and Jay REALLY go there for a meal…!??!?
    And from what I hear, they (BK) are torquing their menu to mirror McD’s?!??! UGH! Well, so much for the ‘king’… They had been my fave of national fast food chains since I was a kid. But they really started to lose it when they had the papier mache’ “king” in bed with folks or lurking in their homes…CREEPEH! I’ve been loathe to go to them except on a looooong road trip. I have never liked McD’s. Granted, I try to avoid fast food burgers anymore, so their morphing to McD’s isn’t too traumatizing to me.
    As for La Palin on ‘Today’…screw NBC. They’d have done better to have typically-Goth-appearing-drag-queen Sharon Needles on – now THAT I would watch… đŸ™‚ As it stands, I’m now able to SEE Stephanie Miller on Current in the morning. đŸ™‚

  4. The more I thought about the sophmoric joke (apologies to sophmores but pre-freshmanic isn’t a word) to humanize him in the face of bragging about laying people off / playing a late 20th century corporate raider, the more I thought about him (out of political necessity) rebranding himself from moderate to extreme right only to rebrand after the convention, etc. etc.
    The more I remembered the recent book that held that those at the leadership positions and those in prisons shared the “honor” of having the highest percentage of psychopaths.
    On a much lighter note, I go to BK a lot and the one I go to was just remodelled including fancy coffees and smoothies. I understand that the lack of their innovation for the last few decades has let them fall behind. But rather than being original by copying their competitor (same “original” as first graders) why not come up with something really new. Personally, I saw a page (think on Wikipedia) that listed the ways that Whoppers had been dressed up world wide – such as wasabi Whoppers in Japan. For me, it would be great if they would keep some spices around other than ketchup and could spice the food several different ways.
    I know that I often carry around spices that I take into restaurants to add a different flavor. Just this weekend saw a guy carrying in canned jalapenos.

  5. Oh, and Palin hosting a news show. For years the morning TV has been a parody of news. Various hosts have proven that the host needs no brains to host the show. One I remember seemed to be a contest between cohosts on who could glorify alcohol the most (and who gets drunk before noon?).
    Now by making it a contest of Palin vs. Couric it seems a guarantee that the AM will be totally brainless fluff and a contest on par with the Miss America pageant.
    Why is the Palin vs. Couric catfight not a validation of some of the worst sexist stereotypes known to mankind?

  6. MapleStreet:
    I’ve always been surprised that in Europe you can get wine and beer at fast food restaurants. I think alcohol — large amounts of it — would help Burger King’s food taste better.
    And I like the idea of wasabi burgers.

  7. Palin’s actually going back to her core competency. She was once a perfectly adequate regional sports reporter, and IIRC she studied TV journalism in college.

  8. I’m officially renaming the Peter Principle…it shall now be called the Palin Principle. Timely and alliterative, make a note of it.

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