On The Road With T-Paw and PBJ


T-Paw, Ohio Rep. Bob Whole Latta Love and PBJ.BLADE/DAVE ZAPOTOSKY

President Obama is being stalked on his bus tour of the Buckeye and Keystone States by 2 potential Romney running mates: Tim Pawlenty and Bobby Jindal. I think the plan is to bore them into submission since T-Paw and PBJ are as boring as Mitt Offshore himself. They could, in fact, call their tour through Palookaville, the Snoozeville Express.

When I heard about the Dullsville Express tour, for some reason I thought of Jack Kerouac’s beatnik opus On The Road. For some reason? Nah, that’s the way my feverish gray cells work: weird tangents joined together in an ungainly whole. I had an internal debate over the deeply silly question of who was Sal Paradise/Jack Kerouac and who was Dean Moriartry/Neal Cassidy. Neither T-Paw nor PBJ is very literary or much of babe magnet. I decided in the end that T-Paw had to be Dean/Neal because PBJ is too butt ugly to be even remotely Dean/Neal-like. PBJ does speak way too fast and rattle off enough inane facts for Truman Capote’s quote about Kerouac’s writing style to fit: “That’s not writing, that’s typing.”

I gotta say that Mitt Offshore’s Veep search is as dull as the putative nominee himself. PBJ is probably a millimeter less dull than T-Paw since he’s Indian-American but the fast talking whiz kid routine that has worked so mysteriously well in the Gret Stet won’t cut it on the national stage. Plus, PBJ is a cold fish, which means he can’t help “humanize” the stiff and awkward Romney. T-Paw could help with the “Mitt is not a robot” campaign since, by winger standards, he’s seems to be a fairly nice guy.

Finally, is it just me or is anyone else amazed by how inept the Romney campaign has been since the ACA judgment? I expect them to lie and spin but past GOP campaigns have done it well and Romney’s peeps have dropped the ball more than Reggie Bush on a wet gridiron. It’s particularly weird since Mitt Offshore has been running for President full-time since 2007. One would think that they’d know how to do it by now. Perhaps they should outsource the spin doctoring to Belize or something. That would mean that Mitt finally belizes in something…<groan/rim shot>

Now for a wee musical selection:

4 thoughts on “On The Road With T-Paw and PBJ

  1. Can’t wait to hear Boy Genius Bobby explain to the hayseeds and rubes that Ay-Rab Mooslim Madrassas can soon be taking state vouchers so they can exercise them some big-time Koran-based education.
    I think a few Hebrew schools in the state would be a cool thing, too.
    And if Tom Cruise is able to have Suri kidnapped, maybe the Scientologists can open up a K-thru-12 out here in the hinterlands.
    Do any of these “faiths” need to rely on the existance of the Loch Ness Monster to “prove” their respective sky daddies exist?
    Now, wouldn’t that be the shit?! Steve Carter and his fellow dumbasses in the State Leg never considered that there’d actually any other “faith-based” education outside of Christianity.
    Carter shoulda stuck to hanging around the local tennis shops and spending his wife’s inherited movie theater money, the slap dick.
    Although the kids in most of these religious schools will come out dumber than rocks, I guess any new industry in this backasswards state is something.

  2. Finally, is it just me or is anyone else amazed by how inept the Romney campaign has been since the ACA judgment?
    It predates that, actually. Etch-a-Sketch? Corporations are people, my friend? For a better “Amercia“? The flip flip flop flop on his healthcare plan, first it was for all of “Amercia” then it was just for Massachusetts? And the Venn Diagram fuck up (yes that was more recent … )?
    I think they’re incredibly inept and always have been. Look, no decent Republican wants this job. Look at the clown car that was the entire Republican primary field. They were all idiots.
    God help us if Mitt is actually elected. This is the B team, always has been.

  3. Romney / Plesiosaur ’12
    It’s like Clinton/Gore, a doubling down on the strengths of the candidate. One is a prehistoric reptile, the other is a plesiosaur.

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