The Duke board voted for Johnson’s resignation, and since Johnson was eligible for severance if he quit for “good reason,” he is able to collect his $44 million. Grist calculates that Johnson’s pay package comes out to $5.5 million per hour, if he actually put in a full 8-hour day.
I’m asking. Because if you told me I would get a squillion dollars for fucking up my job and/or just walking away, like you would have to pay me in order to fire me, I would get fired so fast my head would spin. I hear all the arguments about how we have to pay CEOs these insane salaries and provide these packages to give them this sense of security so that they’ll work hard, and all I can think of is that they should maybe learn about what it is to work hard for the same reason most people do: To keep from starving and living in a box.
I mean it. I love my work, love it, but if you assured me my present income with reasonable increases for the rest of my life there would be pretty even money I’d spend a lot of time on my back porch, pleasantly drunk and playing with the neighbor’s dog. I’m sure I’d get bored eventually, but the motivation to get my ass out of bed every day would be significantly lessened.
(Also I would like to print this story out, roll it up and shove it up the ass of the next person who jaws on at a party about how government benefits remove the incentive to look for work. What the fuck does stuff like THIS do, then?)
There is actually a way to design incentive packages for CEOs that are still nice enough to attract decent people (I will run your company, which is basically about taking people to dinner, for a mere $8 million, for example) but don’t have built-in Douchebag Trap Doors that drop the boss down into a giant pile of money. Trouble is, we’ve gotten into this thing where nothing’s too good for the masters of the universe, and nothing’s too outrageous for us to swallow.