Once you have children, having any kind of fun sets such a bad example:
The trend toward hipper, hotter moms has already been prevalent among Hollywood types. Dina Lohan used to famously go out clubbing with daughter Lindsay Lohan. Madonna and her daughter, Lourdes, Demi Moore and her daughter, Rumor Willis, Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi and her mother, Helen Polizzi, are just some of the famous mother-daughter duos seen out together. On Bravo’s “Keeping Up With the Kardashians,” family matriarch Kris Jenner and her Kardashian daughters are seen as nightclub regulars.
But not everyone agrees that mothers and daughters regularly partying together is healthy bonding. Kathryn Smerling, a psychologist in the New York City area, said celebrity culture can often damage mother-daughter relationships. She believes reality TV shows, such as “Keeping Up With the Kardashians,” have brought “the unacceptable into our living rooms” because they show what she said are inappropriate mother-daughter relationships.
“It can very well be destructive to the young girl, especially if the mother is more attractive, especially if the mother is more outgoing,” Smerling said. “It engenders competition.”
So much to unpack here. I’m gonna venture a guess that Lindsay Lohan had more going on than just mommy doing shots. And what is the “trend towards hipper, hotter moms” all about? Has the writer suddenly noticed there are ladies older than 25 who aren’t camel-faced hags? Did some 40-something relative have the temerity to buy a halter top? What on EARTH.
The competition thing makes me stabby: Once you have a daughter, disappear, girls! Make sure she’s the only pretty girl in the room, because heaven forfend you teach her that the standard that there can only be one pretty girl in the room is horseshit, that she need not be measured against you or anybody else, and that you both have better things to do than worry about who has better hair.
As for the actual partying thing, let us stipulate that the Kardashians are not, perhaps, role models against whom you should regularly measure your behavior, and if you get so shitfaced while out with your children that they have to drive home it’s probably not the best thing. Kids need their own spaces, as do adults. But I’m not sure we should use the reality show outliers, and a few random mothers in nightclubs, to tell women that it’s inappropriate to go to a rock show and order a beer around your kid.
We have a massively fucked-up attitude towards alcohol and teenage sexuality in this country, in which it’s all or nothing in both cases. Never teaching people how to have two beers instead of twelve, telling young girls to be beautiful and then shaming them when they dress in a body-conscious manner because OMG BOYS WILL LOOK AT YOU, is damaging. We make these things utterly verboten and then wonder why kids can’t magically handle themselves.
God forbid women go out with their daughters and model happy, healthy, fun behavior, appropriate and responsible use of alcohol, and HORROR maybe enjoy themselves a bit as well.
But it seems more and more women are blurring the lines of middle age, and refusing to age gracefully.
YEAH. Sit your ass down in that rocker, Grandma, and put on a poncho. Fuck’s sake, who do you think you are?
A.
Don’t even get them started on Cher.
Their whole argument is dead before it even starts – anyone who has seen movies from the 40s and 50s knows of plenty of women over 40 who were “hip”.
What the ever loving hell. My mother gets more amazing looking by the year. Anytime we are out together, some guy who is clearly just gaga over her will make some stammering comment about how we must be sisters. (Very flattering to the 66-yo mama, to the 44-yo daughter it’s more of an amused :/ face). But yeah, my mom is bloody amazing looking. And she loves pretty clothes and getting dressed up, and I’ve always been blue jeans and sneakers girl. We love each other to pieces, notwithstanding the fact that she has tried to stuff me in girly clothes my whole life and NO is the answer to that. Some tight-assed pucker face somewhere has an issue with mothers and daughters going out together when mom has it going on and people notice? Spare me. I tell my mom she owes me a drink for every one some guy tries to buy her. And my stepfather and my husband just sit back and grin and love the whole stinking show because they each got their girl and they know it.
None of which is to say there is anything normal or healthy or whatever about the Kardashians or Lohans or pick-your-trainwreck. But don’t extrapolate some nonsense from their dysfunctionality and say that because they are all kinds of messed up that it’s weird for me to go out with my hot mom.
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Hm. Well. I don’t really have a dog in this fight but its not liberation, either. I mean, its neither here nor there how families want to spend their fun time–whether at the ballet or drinking or both. I would be extremely creeped out, however, to go out with my daughters competitively dating or drinking and I’d be skeeved out to be hit on by guys (or young women) who are more age appropriate for my daughters.
As for complements on my looks while my man sits by “and grins and loves the whole stinking show because they each got their girl and they know it?” Uh…creepy much? I dress for myself and my friends, not to fake arouse strangers or to get fake aroused by expressing some fantasy of extreme sexual power overcoming the horrors of age so my husband can feel like he won some kind of competition in a hottie sweepstakes.
There is something, to my mind, problematic about parents intruding themselves on their adult child’s sex life–and if drinking and dancing is all about the sexxy interactions then going out clubbing with your child is exactly that. Its not the same as skeet shooting or horseback riding or theater going or even dinner out where those things are seen as a shared hobby or family interest.
So: I’m not arguing (or agreeing with the argument) that as an old woman I’m on the shelf or no longer a sexual being but I do think that my sexuality and my child’s sexuality are two separate realms. I think drinking and picking up guys with your child puts your child in a difficult position when you have a break up or make bad choices, and puts you in too intimate a role when they do. People are entitled to a zone of privacy–both parents and children–from each other.
Yes! Finally soomeone writes about hand warts.
Well criminy! I guess some peeps don’t enjoy doing things with their parents or children and don’t think other people should either!
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