Malaka Of The Week: Jack Burkman

As always, there’s a lot of malakatude in the world this week. One of my krewe mates suggested that I pick this guy but it’s minor malakatude that one cannot really take to the Banksy. I only brought it up because my friend Chris is a big dude and to make that Banksy pun. This week’s honoree is guilty of media whoredom, trolling, and all around malakatude. Jack Burkman is a right wing Washington lobbyist who *claims* to have Congresscritters who will introduce his stupid piece of legislation:

A Republican lobbyist in Washington wants to introduce legislation in Congress that would prohibit gay people from playing in the National Football League — and he says he’s already lining up congressional sponsors.

In an interview with the Huffington Post, Jack Burkman, the CEO of Burkman LLC, said he had five members in the House and one senator who would put their weight behind the bill. He predicted up to 36 House members and up to five senators would join the effort in the next three weeks.

Burkman declined to name any of the supportive lawmakers and no official language for the legislation has been released. He started preparing the bill after Missouri defensive end Michael Sam came out as gay this month — which, if he is selected in April’s NFL draft, would make him the first openly gay player in the league.

“I felt that if the NFL doesn’t have any morals, and people like [NFL Commissioner] Roger Goodell, who are just go-along-get-along guys, just want to appease advertisers, appease corporate America and all that stuff,” Burkman told the Huffington Post, “I figured, well, it is time for conservatives in Congress to step in and define morality for them.”

“This is not about bigotry. It is about common decency and civility,” he said. “Society is moving to a point where we are going to have unisex bathrooms and the next generation thinks that is OK.”

Burkman’s firm represents clients in a variety of industries, including energy and construction.

The Post also interviewed Burkman’s brother Jim, a Seattle anesthesiologist who is gay, who dismissed the potential legislation as “just hurtful and ridiculous and just plain stupid.”

The “proposal” is not a serious one as is pointed out by Josh Voorhees at Slate:

The Wire‘s Philip Bump and the Daily Beast‘s Ben Jacobs have already done a great job debunking the legitimacy of the proposal, but I’ll offer up a three-part PSA nonetheless: 1) A lobbyist can’t actually introduce legislation in Congress; 2) even if they could, this one would have no chance at becoming law; and 3) even if it did, its constitutionality would likely face a serious legal challenge in the courts.

This is trolling pure and simple. I think Malaka Burkman is hoping to line up some new wackadoo teabagger clients or some such shit. I predict that this “bill” will never be introduced unless Louis Gohmert Piles decides he needs some attention. It will certainly never pass and the NFL is unlikely to want to be “helped” by Mr. Burkman.

My suggestion to Burkman is to fold his “bill” five ways and stick it where the moon don’t shine. Of course, he may have a religious objection to that: some might call it buggery by paper. Speaking of which, I am sick and tired of crazy state legislators coming with wild and bizarre ways to keep teh gay away. The culture war is over, y’all, and you lost; adapt or die or at least STFU.

The OTT publicity stunt is as old as the media itself. This is just the latest in a long line of freak show stunts pulled by wingnuts.. This one is worse than average because of its transparent insincerity. I hereby sentence Burkman to a day as a tackling dummy with whatever team Michael Sam is drafted by.