Malaka Of The Week: Jack Burkman

As always, there’s a lot of malakatude in the world this week. One of my krewe mates suggested that I pick this guy but it’s minor malakatude that one cannot really take to the Banksy. I only brought it up because my friend Chris is a big dude and to make that Banksy pun. This week’s honoree is guilty of media whoredom, trolling, and all around malakatude. Jack Burkman is a right wing Washington lobbyist who *claims* to have Congresscritters who will introduce his stupid piece of legislation:

A Republican lobbyist in Washington wants to introduce legislation in Congress that would prohibit gay people from playing in the National Football League — and he says he’s already lining up congressional sponsors.

In an interview with the Huffington Post, Jack Burkman, the CEO of Burkman LLC, said he had five members in the House and one senator who would put their weight behind the bill. He predicted up to 36 House members and up to five senators would join the effort in the next three weeks.

Burkman declined to name any of the supportive lawmakers and no official language for the legislation has been released. He started preparing the bill after Missouri defensive end Michael Sam came out as gay this month — which, if he is selected in April’s NFL draft, would make him the first openly gay player in the league.

“I felt that if the NFL doesn’t have any morals, and people like [NFL Commissioner] Roger Goodell, who are just go-along-get-along guys, just want to appease advertisers, appease corporate America and all that stuff,” Burkman told the Huffington Post, “I figured, well, it is time for conservatives in Congress to step in and define morality for them.”

“This is not about bigotry. It is about common decency and civility,” he said. “Society is moving to a point where we are going to have unisex bathrooms and the next generation thinks that is OK.”

Burkman’s firm represents clients in a variety of industries, including energy and construction.

The Post also interviewed Burkman’s brother Jim, a Seattle anesthesiologist who is gay, who dismissed the potential legislation as “just hurtful and ridiculous and just plain stupid.”

The “proposal” is not a serious one as is pointed out by Josh Voorhees at Slate:

The Wire‘s Philip Bump and the Daily Beast‘s Ben Jacobs have already done a great job debunking the legitimacy of the proposal, but I’ll offer up a three-part PSA nonetheless: 1) A lobbyist can’t actually introduce legislation in Congress; 2) even if they could, this one would have no chance at becoming law; and 3) even if it did, its constitutionality would likely face a serious legal challenge in the courts.

This is trolling pure and simple. I think Malaka Burkman is hoping to line up some new wackadoo teabagger clients or some such shit. I predict that this “bill” will never be introduced unless Louis Gohmert Piles decides he needs some attention. It will certainly never pass and the NFL is unlikely to want to be “helped” by Mr. Burkman.

My suggestion to Burkman is to fold his “bill” five ways and stick it where the moon don’t shine. Of course, he may have a religious objection to that: some might call it buggery by paper. Speaking of which, I am sick and tired of crazy state legislators coming with wild and bizarre ways to keep teh gay away. The culture war is over, y’all, and you lost; adapt or die or at least STFU.

The OTT publicity stunt is as old as the media itself. This is just the latest in a long line of freak show stunts pulled by wingnuts.. This one is worse than average because of its transparent insincerity. I hereby sentence Burkman to a day as a tackling dummy with whatever team Michael Sam is drafted by.

UPDATE:

5 thoughts on “Malaka Of The Week: Jack Burkman

  1. gratuitous says:

    “A lobbyist can’t actually introduce legislation in Congress.”
    Good one.
    That is to say, a lobbyist can’t directly introduce legislation, but there’s a reason so much cookie-cutter legislation gets consideration in Congress, not to mention state legislatures all over the country, and it’s not because some genius legislators all have the exact same thought at the exact same time.
    I have also learned over the years not to be too complacent about “this will never become law.” A shocking number of really bad ideas have gotten to various executive desks over the years. There’s one sitting on Jan Brewer’s desk in Arizona right now, and she doesn’t have the courage to come right out and say what she’ll do about, preferring to suck up some limelight while people’s lives hang in the balance. She might even “accidentally” fuck up and let the bill become law without a signature.

  2. MichaelF says:

    “but there’s a reason so much cookie-cutter legislation gets consideration in Congress”…
    And the reason is ALEC.

  3. Hobbes says:

    “Society is moving to a point where we are going to have unisex bathrooms and the next generation thinks that is OK.”
    Yes. We do think that’s okay. Now kindly fuck off and die so we can not give a fuck about this anymore.

  4. MichaelF says:

    Oh, also too, just came across this
    http://wonkette.com/277947/family-research-council-lobbyist-also-on-dc-madams-list
    Maybe crossed paths with Diaper Dave once or twice.

  5. Duckman GR says:

    A couple of things late that no one will read.
    1. Does he know that Target has UNISEX bathrooms already? At least in decadent So Cal. 2. Damn you, next generation, how dare you progress, coz that’s never happened ever before in all the 6,000 years, damn you!
    3. That wasn’t the limelight that idiot (Brewer, in case you were wondering which one) was sucking up to, if that press announcement was any indication, but headlights to be followed by the radiator grill of equality. (Iknow, that isn’t a couple)
    Jeebus, how is it possible that these people get viewed, let alone elected, as adults or leaders in the freeest nation in the world?

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