In no particular order:
1. I love that Mariah Carey “all I want for Christmas is your sex basically” song.
2. I fucking hate Christmas songs by Paul McCartney, the Jackson 5, anyone who was on American Idol, and (with the exceptions of #1 and Joni Mitchell/the Indigo Girls singing “River”) anything composed or recorded after 1950.
3. Fruitcake is actually kind of great.
4. You can put as much inflatable and/or plastic holiday shit on your lawn as you want, but I will judge you if you cross genres. It is either Winnie the Pooh, Santa, the Nativity, Little Drummer Boys, or Mickey Mouse. NOT ALL OF THEM. You do not get all of the things.
5. Real tree, bitches.
6. The ultimate Christmas movie for me is the Winona Ryder version of Little Women. Because if there was a more perfect cast/set/soundtrack I don’t know what it was.
7. I do not make 50 kinds of Christmas cookies and I think elaborately decorated ones are kind of a waste of time, honestly. People gon’ eat that shit. I make usually about three kinds of cookies and this year I’ll be lucky to get any made at all.
8. Advent is like my religious booty call. I know He’s a bad idea, but Jesus changed my ringtone to O Come O Come Emmanuel and I’m weak.
9. A lot of Christmas decorations look stupid without snow on the ground. I’m looking at you, giant inflatable sleigh with eight giant inflatable reindeer.
10. The Rankin-Bass animations creep me the fuck out, and by the way, just fuck Frosty the Snowman in general.
Feel free to add your own in the comments.