Under the Knife

Filing an early missive because I’m being forced to undergo the first of two carpal tunnel surgeries. Wrote this on Wednesday night, so by the time you’re reading it, I’ll be stoned out of my mind on whatever he gives me for pain, watching whatever Law and Order rerun is on basic cable…

The surgery is freaking me out a bit. Sure, it’ll be nice to feel my thumbs and forefingers again and maybe sleep without the “dog paw” braces my doctor had me in, but I’m not a big fan of having doctors poke at me. I think it goes back to my experience with an oral surgeon who misread an X-ray and tried to extract a wisdom tooth without putting me under. When he broke the tool off in my head and said, “Oh shit! Get the drill…” I have to admit, I kind of lost faith…

That said, it’s a pretty “minor surgery” and they tell me I’ll be typing up a storm again soon. The fear is pretty much that if this guy screws up, I lose the the ability to do my job (type) and my hobby (furniture restoration). I have told people time and time again that my biggest fears are things that will damage my mind and my hands. Hell, lop off my legs at the hips and I’ll tell people the joke that I’m so well endowed that my dick hits the floor. I only run when chased and I’ll work on getting a rappelling rope for the man-cave steps at that point. My hands, though, that’s serious.

As I deal with everything, I’m trying to use humor for this. To wit, I’ll leave you with this:


Be back next week, hopefully typing with both hands.


4 thoughts on “Under the Knife

  1. Best wishes for an uneventful surgery and a speedy recovery. “Minor surgery” is whatever the doctors are doing to someone else. “Major invasive procedure” is anything they’re doing to me, including flushing ear wax or removing a splinter.

    The good news is that carpal tunnel release truly is a routine procedure, and you will benefit greatly.

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