Jeb Bush Has Better Things To Do

Dead people, shmead people, why you gotta be so rude? 

“If this election is about how we’re going to fight to get nothing done,” Mr. Bush said, then “I don’t want any part of it. I don’t want to be elected president to sit around and see gridlock just become so dominant that people literally are in decline in their lives. That is not my motivation.” He added, “I’ve got a lot of really cool things I could do other than sit around, being miserable, listening to people demonize me and me feeling compelled to demonize them. That is a joke. Elect Trump if you want that.”

Jeb Bush has other stuff he’d rather be doing. He isn’t going to put up with you being mean to him! If all you’re going to do is be mean by pointing out that his brother upfucked the whole world, you should forget about Jeb doing you the favor of working for you, because Jeb has tennis lessons to get to, or bread to bake, or something.

That’s how important being president is to Jeb: If he has to be inconvenienced in any way, he will fuck right off back to Texas and clear brush with his brother, or play backgammon, or whatever he thinks is a “cool thing” to do. That’s how much he believes in the rightness of his vision for the country: So much that if there is a mean tweet he is OUTTA HERE.

I can see this argument having a lot of sway with voters, especially people who’ve been laid off from their jobs or who need health care and can’t get it, or whose kids have lead poisoning or malnutrition in the year of Our Lord Baby Jesus 2015. I can see a lot of people working long hours coming home, turning on the TV, seeing Jeb talk about all the “cool things” he’d rather be doing.

“You go, Jeb,” they would say, opening their stacks of past-due bills and trying not to think about how the youngest kid would need braces next year. “Why should you put with people saying you are a tool, just to run the entire country?”

That’s such an unreasonable sacrifice, by the way. You just want to run the entire free world, which is not that big of a job. You just want to lead 50 different states of varying degrees of richness and beauty, so why should you put up with somebody saying that you maybe are not the best person for that role? Why should you tolerate that kind of risk, for so little reward?


3 thoughts on “Jeb Bush Has Better Things To Do

  1. Sounding a bit preppy and ill-tempered and entitled, isn’t he? He wasn’t talking that way when he was governor of Florida, conspiring to rig the election for his brother, was he?

    Maybe he’s finally realizing that he’s always made a better bag man for others than a leader in his own right, that perhaps that’s his niche, his lot in life. And that a bling baron like Trump is eating his lunch, why, that has got to have him feeling a bit pissy.

    A Clinton would say, “I feel your pain,” but I’m not that generous. He can go fuck himself with a sharp stick.

  2. Jeb! has better things to do? I’d like a list, please. Right now, it looks like he’s running because he doesn’t have anything else to do. My theory of his “strategy” is that he’s waiting for everyone else to flop, then move in to pick up the nomination. Campaign slogan, like Mitt Romney’s and John McCain’s before him, will be “I’m all you got, bitches!”

  3. See also: Paul Ryan saying he would carry the burden of being #3 in line for the Presidency, but only if everyone promised not to be mean to him.


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