Put It Back In Your Pants, Sean

Sean Penn is a great actor and did some fine work after the Haitian earthquake. He is also a raging narcissist¬†and horrendous writer as you can see from the money paragraph from his now infamous El Chapo “interview,” which is more about Penn than the Drug Lord:

The flight had been just bumpy enough that each of us had taken a few swigs off a bottle of Honor tequila, a new brand that Kate is marketing. I step from plane to earth, ever so slightly sobering my bearings, and move toward the beckoning waves of waiting drivers. I throw my satchel into the open back of one of the SUVs, and lumber over to the tree line to take a piss. Dick in hand, I do consider it among my body parts vulnerable to the knives of irrational narco types, and take a fond last look, before tucking it back into my pants.

TMI even for TMZ, let alone Rolling Stone. Good to know that Sean loves his own dick. That paragraph gave me the willies. I don’t know about you, but I’m not interested in Penn’s castration fantasies/fears. Next time he may discuss auto-fellatio and I really don’t want to go there, y’all.

Next time you feel like talking about your penis, Sean, shut the fuck up and punch a paparazzo instead. I wonder if this song by his brother Michael is the source of his castration anxities?

I hope Michael isn’t the one who cut Sean to the quick. I always thought Madonna was the culprit…

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