If You Can’t Beat It, Block It

North Carolina’s despicable “teh gay is icky” law is going over about as well as a turd in a punch bowl. The Boss cancelled a show in Charlotte and now Big Porn is on their case as well:

As reported by The Huffington Post, North Carolina visitors to the popular site were met with a black screen early Monday afternoon, which xHamster plans to replace with a petition to repeal the law, a spokesperson for the site told the Post.

“We have spent the last 50 years fighting for equality for everyone and these laws are discriminatory which xHamster.com does not tolerate,” the spokesperson said in a statement to the Post. “Judging by the stats of what you North Carolinians watch, we feel this punishment is a severe one. We will not standby and pump revenue into a system that promotes this type of garbage. We respect all sexualities and embrace them.”

I’m not sure why it’s called xHamster, xGerbil I’d get. They’re big players (one might even call them swinging dicks) in the porn world. In this instance, they want to put a rubber on the law and keep it from doing more damage as it were.

It’s unusual for pornographers to get good publicity but they’re on the right side. It should hurt North Carolina wankers: Southern states customarily have higher porn consumption rates than the rest of the country. I guess they’ll just have to menace the livestock like the Aggies down in College Station, Texas. End of obligatory Aggie joke.

It’s been a tough month in Tar Heel country: UNC lost the championship game on a last second shot and now xHamster is telling them to zip it. What’s next? A Guinea Pig boycott?

I happened to be on the Tweeter Tube when this news came out and engaged in a colloquy with some friends. Actually, it’s more like trash talk but this post is sufficiently lowbrow without going there:

I cannot, uh, beat that. Nola Fredo wins the day: something that never happened to Fredo Corleone. Of course, that Fredo never had the Johnnie Cochran experience, I only hope y’all will acquit me for this post. I’m not sure if it fits.

I have no choice but to give the Who the last word with Pete Townshend’s ode to literal malakatude:

Speaking of literal malakatude, dig this crazy headline from the New York Daily News: Man masturbates for up to three hours on Mega Bus. Guess I lied about that last word thing. Sorry, Pete.

Repeat after me: If your state discriminates, you can’t masturbate.

One thought on “If You Can’t Beat It, Block It

  1. pansypoo says:

    HOW are they gonna put this law into practice? those airport nekkid X-ray machines?
    you can pee when you show me your papers.

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