Uterine Socialism

Gov. Mike Pence had a moment at the VP debate, where he pretty much seemed to suggest that a woman’s uterus is like those “take a penny, leave a penny” bowls at the gas station:


PENCE: The state of Indiana has also sought to make sure that we expand alternatives in health care counseling for women, non-abortion alternatives. I’m also very pleased at the fact we’re well on our way in Indiana to becoming the most pro-adoption state in America. I think if you’re going to be pro-life, you should — you should be pro- adoption.


PENCE: … bring the — let’s welcome the children into our world. There are so many families around the country who can’t have children. We could improve adoption…

KAINE: But, Governor…

PENCE: … so that families that can’t have children can adopt more readily those children from crisis pregnancies.


In short, Pence wants to take away the options for women who wish to terminate pregnancies for whatever reason so they can increase the pool of adoptable kids so the shelves are better stocked for those “deserving folk” who can’t have kids.

Skip past the mind-boggling logic associated with the idea that comes with turning women into brood sows and think about how anti-Republican this idea really should be.

When you suggest that people who have nothing should get something from people who have everything, the Republicans are completely against that. Giving to the poor might be what Jesus would have done, but he didn’t have to deal with the oppressive tax structure of the day. The rich pay enough, thank you, so if some guy with multi-billions of dollars wants to gold-plate his shitter instead of paying into a system that will feed kids, hey, he earned that right.

When you suggest that allowing taxes on inherited wealth above $5 million estates would prevent a permanent gilded upper-class, Republicans will fight you tooth and nail. You paid taxes on that farm once, Mitt Romney once famously said. You shouldn’t have to pay taxes on it again. (John Oliver explains how that’s bullshit, in case you need a moment of humor.) They call it the Death Tax and they argue that it’s not the fault of heirs that they were born into a quality family with a wealth of opportunity and position.

When you suggest any general “sharing,” it’s socialism and it robs people of their freedom. You take away personal choice and you eliminate that person’s manifest destiny. After all, these people who have the money and the power know better how to manage the situation than the government does. Besides, how do we really know that if we give them this money, they’ll do good things with it instead of spending it on drugs and booze?

So it takes a lot of mind-bending moves to see how basically creating a system of uterine socialism fits the mold of the GOP.

There are people out there for whom conception actually occurs when their spouse unhooks their bra while others try everything possible and remain unable to conceive. Still, human intercourse and reproduction isn’t a “share the wealth” system. If it were, I’d have gotten laid a lot more in college and we’d be parting out the Duggar family like it was a Cadillac Escalade that just rolled into a chop shop.


Here’s the conversation we should see if Republicans lived their financial philosophy in this realm:

CITIZEN: “Look at those people who have all those kids! We’ve been trying so hard and we can’t have one! And these people got abortions in between their kids! Shouldn’t they be forced to share?”

PENCE: The kids are theirs and they “earned” those kids, so if they want to have a dozen of them and let them terrorize Wal-Mart on the weekends, who are we “free-marketers” to argue otherwise?”

CITIZEN: “But it’s unfair! Some of these people can have kids they don’t even want! Why shouldn’t they go to a good home (read: rich white people) instead of to an abortion clinic? Shouldn’t we cap the number of kids they can have before they have to start paying into the kid bank?”

PENCE: “Now, now. It’s not these people’s fault they were born with superior egg-producing facilities and high-quality sperm. They just took advantage of their opportunity and position and they have the right to do as they wish. Besides, if they have a whole bunch, maybe one of Clevon’s offspring will marry someone you know and have a ‘trickle down’ moment that will benefit you all!”

CITIZEN: “But I would be good at this parenting thing! Look at all the things we can offer! Look at how much love we can bring to the table! MAKE THEM SHARE, DAMMIT!”

PENCE: “People who can conceive children know better what to do with them than anyone else. Besides, how do we KNOW you’ll be good parents? I mean, you don’t have a kid now, so you might just screw that kid up for life! Trade him for booze and drugs or something…”

One thought on “Uterine Socialism

  1. i worked a while for a law firm that was affiliated with a pregnancy “counseling” service. that experience convinced me that the pro-lifers’ interests are less about religious beliefs and more about the protection of their sweet adoption agency fees.

Comments are closed.