White Girl, White Lies

I had a Rachel Maddow moment yesterday. I cannot count how many times she’s opened a show during the Trump era by declaring that breaking news had obliged her to throw out her planned programming. That’s what happened to me: I planned to write about Hope Hicks and her white lies testimony when I heard she was running away from the circus. I decided to let the post rest until I figured out how to use such a swell title.

I will spare you the Hope puns circulating on the internet even if it’s tempting. There’s a piece at Slate about these jokes. The author, Heather Schwedel, said that the hopelessly unqualified communications director had a film noir femme fatale name. I beg to differ: it sounds more like a golden/silver age of comics super hero sidekick chick such as Lois Lane or Lana Lang. That analogy breaks down when you realize that would make the president*  Superman. Stuporman is more like it.

I like how Lois is plotting against Lana. It’s very Trumpian.

As a former lawyer, I must say that Hicks’ white lies testimony was a master stroke. She told the truth about lying but minimized it at the same time. She seems to have a better mouthpiece than her loudmouth boss, which isn’t saying much. Actually, all the very white liars around Trumpy have better lawyers than Cobby and Dowdy.

There’s a raging debate as to whether or not to believe the White House spin on the timing of the Hicks split. The official line is that she had been thinking of doing so for quite some time and that the timing was a coincidence. While I am loathe to believe anything that comes out of this White House, that may be a half-truth. Hicks was involved in spinning the Rob Porter clusterfuck and was even dating the abusive former aide. Who wouldn’t want to escape the memory of that?

The white lies line has me thinking of the other white people in the Trump ambit who have been lying their pale asses off. Who’s whiter than Roger Stone? Julian Assange, for one, and those honking honkies seem to be in cahoots over the leaking of the hacked DNC and Podesta emails. That’s a crime but Roger couldn’t resist bragging about it. Now it’s his turn in the barrel.

Given all the criminal activity in the West Wing, I begin to wonder if the federal prison system will have to open a Trumper wing. Better still, they could dedicate an entire jail to the Trumpers. I have a place in mind:

I realize that Alcatraz closed as a prison in 1963 and has been run by the National Park Service since 1972. But the poetic justice of  incarcerating Trumpers on an island in one of the bluest states in the union is irresistible. Besides, the Insult Comedian is always looking for new branding opportunities and Ryan Zinke seems devoted to destroying the national parks system so Alcatraz is perfect. They could even reserve Al Capone’s old cell for the Current Occupant should he require alternative federal housing.

If the soon-to-be former communications director winds up in trouble, Alcatraz would be perfect. She might even be able to escape since we all know Hope Floats

The Hope jokes have given me a venerable earworm so CSN get the last word:

4 thoughts on “White Girl, White Lies

  1. My main regret is that we will probably never know what Hicks thought was a little white lie, and what she considered a big fat whopper. Something tells me that HIcks’ white lies would encompass some stuff that most people would consider very serious.

    Anyway, I understand that if you listen carefully, you can hear a triumphant scream from the Office of the Press Secretary followed by “I’m the pretty one, NOW!”

  2. Yea, Alcatraz is an option, but, it would cost a lot. I say Gitmo. It’s still open, isn’t it. Hey what’s good enuf for “whatever the inmates are there for” is good enuf for our illustrious administration.

  3. Sorry, but I make a nice living off Alcatraz and can’t see giving that up even if it meant the restitution of constitutional democracy in America. Rather, a modest proposal. Take the entire crew of them – Trump, Jared, Ivanka, Kelly, Ramalama and Ding Dong, and put them all on one of those Survivor style deserted islands, but deprive them of the one thing they all most need for survival — a television camera to transmit the mayhem to the rest of the world. Last one left standing gets to come back home to tell THEIR version of the story.

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