What Do Shitty Media Men Add?

I’ve written before about how much it costs to pay for these supposed geniuses who are completely insane pervert assholes, but apropos of this: 

Halperin has lost millions of dollars in income. He was fired from Showtime’s The Circus; Penguin abandoned a planned book on the 2016 presidential campaign, co-authored by his longtime writing partner John Heilemann; and HBO nixed a television project based on that canceled book.

“I am deeply sorry and hope to have a chance to apologize directly to those I treated badly. It is the right and necessary thing to do,” Halperin said in a statement to The Daily Beast. “I cannot imagine how difficult this experience has been for them. I hope this will be a further step in my continued efforts to fully comprehend and make amends for the pain that I have caused.”

In recent months, Halperin has been carefully raising his public profile, resuming his social-media activity after a lengthy hiatus, and launching a political blog titled “Mark Halperin’s Wide World of News”—a throwback to his days of writing “The Note” when he was ABC’s political director two decades ago—in which he offers his opinions on subjects ranging from Attorney General William Barr’s congressional testimony to Joe Biden’s poll numbers.

I’d like to ask: Exactly what is so necessary about these dillholes in the first place?

Like I get that for these guys and their pals, it seems necessary for them to continue to work (though if I had their money I’d fuck off to Barbados and you’d never hear from me again) and be relevant. But to the world at large? What is their value? Like what stunning insights does Mark Halperin offer to the universe at his political blog? 

Trump’s job approval on the economy is well above his overall approval numbers.

My take: This is why it is essential that the eventual Democratic presidential nominee have a clear theory of the case about how to be a good steward of a good economy. If the party picks someone to go against Trump who is seen as incapable of handling the economy, Trump could win re-election with a historically low job approval rating.

What … staggering intellect. Democrats need to pick someone who can convince people he or she can handle the economy! Whatever would I have done had I not learned this from a blog called, I kid you not, Mark Halperin’s Wide World of News?

What’s next on the table from Mark Halperin’s Wild Kingdom?

Michael Bennet trumpets entrance into Democratic field with essay that would fill the beds of a pair of Ford pickups.

My take: The Coloradan has fans among the donor class, the Obamas, the Clintons, and his Senate colleagues, but he is going to need a lot of time on the ground in Iowa and New Hampshire to get better known by those voters who don’t read Medium posts.

LISTEN UP DIPSHITS. Mark Halperin is here to tell you that you don’t win presidential elections without spending time in Iowa!

We’re just getting to the real meat of Mark Halperin’s Fantasy Island:

My take: The biggest question in the Democratic race right now is not who has the capacity to break into the top tier with Biden and Sanders. For most of the candidates, their first objective has to be to break into the second tier — and that isn’t easy in such a large field.

Many. Democrats. Are. Running. For. President. It isn’t easy. It’s hard, in fact.

Thank God Mark Halperin is back. We couldn’t live without such incredible thought leadership. I’m sure if a few more women get sexually assaulted we will someday regard it as A SMALL PRICE TO PAY for this irreplaceable knowledge.

There is nothing Mark Halperin, or Matt Lauer, or Charlie Rose, or any of their Shitty Media counterparts, do that could not be done by ten other people. There is nothing they bring to the table that is even unique, much less important.

No one is suffering without them, and we are not obligated to give them a redemption arc. That talented women are being asked to sacrifice their dignity to protect THIS MEDIOCRITY is somehow the most offensive part of the whole thing for me. At least while Picasso was being a pervert he was painting Guernica.

Halperin’s just out here demanding to be welcomed back to his position as Chief Obvious Take with stunners like this:

Trump defies House Dem investigations on witnesses, tax returns.

My take: There is no way to know how quickly the courts will adjudicate these disputes.

My God, what we have been missing.