Stooooooooop:

Thank you @GovMikeHuckabee Clearly the judges aren’t going to be with me. Let’s send a message to #Hollywood that those of us who stand for #Christ won’t be discounted. May God bless you https://t.co/Qqa9xi3pIM

— Sean Spicer (@seanspicer) September 17, 2019

Do you know all the crap Jesus has to do? Like, all of it? He has so much shit to do. He has to keep His eye on sparrows and sort His junk mail and appear in visions from here to Laredo and now on top of that you want to give Him the unbelievable burden of supporting Sean Spicer on Dancing With The Stars? For His sake.

Sometimes I like to imagine Jesus, in His human incarnation, just bitching to His mom. “It’s not FAIR. I’m supposed to save every baby with cancer and ensure good weather on circus day AND make sure this nitwit wins his fail-dancing competition? Where does it end? When can I take a me-damned nap?”

Of course people are going to respond with “well, Jesus doesn’t get tired or frustrated and loves all of us etc etc” to which I would then offer as rebuttal the entirety of the Gospels in which He is basically like, “Guys, come on, I explained this six times already. Must we?”

As much fun as it is to clown on Huckabee and Spicer, the fascists’ court jesters are actually calling out to their true flock, those Christians who believe that Jesus is their personal savior and that that means He literally must climb into the pit and save them from everything up to and including the genital herpes they got from the sandwich shop girl. It’s a bizarre relationship with God, and this is me saying this. My relationship with Him is a series of increasingly loud arguments followed by an Advent booty call.

But this is the base they’ve cultivated. This is the army they’ve called to fight a culture war that is basically about what you watch on TV and hating liberals. This is why I say it’s useless to argue with the Trump cult. You want to convince the people who find THIS persuasive? You want me to believe talking to them is some kind of, what, normal option? No thank you.

Not only does Jesus have enough work to do already but so do I.

A.

ps. If you enjoy reading here, please consider donating to our fundraiser. I promise not to use any of it to buy that shirt Spicer’s wearing.