Crazy Rudy’s Daffy Dossier

Rudy Giuliani has always been an asshole but not long ago he was a well-respected asshole. He was US Attorney for the Southern District of New York when the office decimated the top ranks of the Five Families. He was a two-term NYC Mayor who was dubbed “America’s Mayor” after 9/11. He was even the pre-season frontrunner for the 2008 Republican presidential nomination. In 2019, he’s become a punchline even in his hometown:

New York is a tough town even if it’s “the town so nice, they named it twice.”

I’m uncertain if it’s the Trump effect, lingering bitterness over Hillary Clinton winning the Senate seat that he coveted in 2000, or if he’s simply gone bat shit crazy. The result is the same: Rudolph Giuliani has become a laughingstock except in those quarters where “owning the libs” is as important as life itself. He’s become the Pagliacci of our national politics, a sad clown beating on a drum for the Insult Comedian.

That brings us to Rudy’s latest misadventure. There was a whole lotta hype on Tuesday and Wednesday about the State Department Inspector General’s request for an urgent meeting with relevant Congressional committees. It was widely speculated that the IG had gone rogue.

Instead, the IG turned over what is best described as a propaganda dossier in support of the discredited notion that the real 2016 scandal was Ukraine helping the Democrats. The mystery of where the hell this fakakta thing came from was solved when the artist formerly known as Mayor Combover took “credit.” Crazy Rudy strikes again.

I must give Team Trump credit for originality. They’ve spread the fog of scandal to Foggy Bottom. Watergate never touched Nixon’s national security team because he kept them away from the White House Horrors. President* Pennywise lacks Tricky’s gift for deviousness: he’s a spoiled brat used to getting his own way. Just ask the President of Finland.

In recent days, the Insult Comedian seems bound and determined to take his obsequious Veep, Mike Liar Liar Pence On Fire, down with him. Publicly criticizing and implicating the man who can pardon you strikes me as stupid even for Donald Trump. It’s what happens when you lack either long-term plans or impulse control.

Back to Rudy Giuliani. I enjoy kicking him around, but I feel sorry for him. He used to be a man to be reckoned with instead of a national joke. He’s lawyered up but I still expect him to testify on Capitol Hill. Rudy never met a camera or microphone he didn’t love. He’s never turned down a chance to be on teevee and he’s not about to start now.

I referred to the packet in question as a daffy dossier for a reason. Both Trump and Giuliani are Toons. The problem is that they’re both Daffy Duck when one of them needs to be Bugs Bunny. Someone needs to stay in control of their emotions, especially when Porky Pig Pompeo is in charge at Foggy Bottom. Bill Barr probably thinks he’s Bugs when instead he’s Elmer Fudd hunting for wascally wabbits in Italy. Suffering succotash, what a mess.

I resisted the temptation to post a clown song as the last word. Instead, a song that’s about who Rudy used to be before he threw it all away to become Donald Trump’s patsy:

2 thoughts on “Crazy Rudy’s Daffy Dossier

  1. One of your wittiest posts yet. Keep ’em coming.

    Liked by 1 person

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