I haven’t been as wrapped up in the 2020 presidential campaign as I usually am by this stage. Instead, I’ve been following the twists and turns of the impeachment inquiry. It’s hard not to. The national house is on fire and the arsonist lives in the White House. I hate to give that stupid evil fucker the attention he wants but it’s imperative that his malefactions be exposed whatever happens in the Senate.

I thought I’d dip my toe back in the campaign pond by giving my impressions of the candidates in one word. It won’t be easy for a writer who dubbed his Bayou Brief column 13th Ward Rambler. I like words and word play but sometimes you gotta keep it short; unlike this introduction. If I miss anyone, too fucking bad. I’m including some of the dearly departed candidates for shits and giggles.

DEMOCRATS:

• Biden:                Garrulous.
• Sanders:            Grouchy.
• Warren:             Brilliant.
• Buttigieg:          Unqualified.
• Bloomberg:       Plutocrat.
• Booker:               Warm.
• Klobuchar:         Smiley.
• Steyer:                 Who?
• Gabbard:            Troll.
• Castro:                Impressive.
• Patrick:               Late.
• Bennet:               Eyebrows
• Yang:                   Why?
• Harris:                 Enigmatic.
• Delaney:             Bald.
• O’Rourke:          Gestural.
• Williamson:       Flaky.
• Sestak:                Huh?
• Swalwell:           Young.
• Gillibrand:         Blonde.

REPUBLICANS:

• Trump:               Asshole.
• Weld:                  Patrician.
• Walsh:                Teabagger.
• Sanford:            Olé.

I realize that the columns are crooked but so is the Current Occupant. I did them manually without resort to a manual or a chap named Manuel:

The last word goes to Yes and The Beatles: