It’s been hard for me to write about the primaries because I just want to hurry up and get to cheering on whoever, up to and including Joey the Shark, but last night’s lack of results and the attendant carping bring up my favorite favorite thing to remind people of which is IT’S NOT ABOUT YOU OR EVEN REALLY YOUR CANDIDATE:
In my stupidest dreams, Biden is performing a rope-a-dope on everyone. He’s playing the role of Sensible Moderate and openly daydreaming about having a Republican running mate, all so that well-to-do suburbanites and elderly racists fall for him. Then, he gets into office and BOOM! Turns out Joe was a progressive mole this whole time! He’s gonna take your guns and fund all your health care and install high-speed walkways from coast-to-coast!
But again, look at the résumé. If Biden beats out Bernie and Warren and Lil’ Biden, he’ll take that as validation for all of the hackneyed, conciliatory horseshit he’s already banked his campaign on. We will all be condemned to a black hole of legislative nothingness, led by a doddering old fool who thinks riding Amtrak means he’s one of you.
The Biden administration is unlikely to go out of its way to maintain and expand the travel ban, slap our national dick on China’s dinner table, party with Kim Jong Un, randomly decide to amscray some foreign officer we don’t like, let Russia do whatever it wants with our elections, appoint every fascist in the land to a lifetime job, and forget where THE FUCKING STATE OF KANSAS IS.
I’m aware these are low bars and I’m far from a Biden stan but can we just acknowledge that for the past three years we’ve had a very, erm, vivid illustration of what it means when one political party goes out of its way to screw the country. That the other party will not do that shouldn’t, of course, be some kind of revelation but it is a significant difference:
Donald Trump's Muslim ban is a direct betrayal of America’s most fundamental freedom: religious freedom. And now he's adding more countries to his list of who's not welcome in America.
It's not who we are — and we'll prove that when we beat Trump this November and end the ban. pic.twitter.com/qdlU5P7MZQ
— Joe Biden (@JoeBiden) January 31, 2020
We hear a lot of shit about voting for a person, not an ideology, and it is indeed shit. Vote for an ideology. Vote for general principles and a party platform. Be partisan and tribal and unreasonable and blinkered and vote for the party whose members, whatever their individual shortcomings, are unlikely to FUCK US IN THE ASS.
Same goes for the Bernie, Pete, Liz, even goddamn Bloomberg administrations. Their tenures are unlikely to drive the entire country into a fucking panic disorder. Remember when you read the news and were dissatisfied and called your senators and asked them to do better? That was NICE. Now we pick up the phone and are like YOU DUMB ASSHOLES ARE GOING TO GET US ALL KILLED.
Put a party in power. That party stands for something, and if you’re still confused about if there’s a difference between the two please to be looking at not just a fascist on the Supreme Court but a bitter rapey one, and no meaningful checks on gun violence, and every single day Mitch McConnell is like TREASON IS COOL NOW.