I had my first major masked foray outside Adrastos World HQ yesterday. I believe in masking during the pandemic but have a hard time finding one that fits me. I have a huge head, y’all. My noggin is purt near melon-sized as our rural brethren might say.
I’m in desperate need of new glasses so I masked up and went to Costco Optical. Our former local optical outlet was sold to a big corporation, so I decided to go to a big box operator I’m familiar with. It went okay other than my glasses repeatedly fogging up due to the mask. Holy heavy breathing, Batman. I took a cataract test that reminded me of Space Invaders. Yes. I’m that old.
Not all our potpourri segments involve Florida, but they all involve risky, opportunistic behavior. Hence this weekday theme song:
Carl Hiaasen co-wrote that song. It doesn’t get more Florida than that, y’all.
Classified Pizza? Remember when House GOPers stormed the SCIF during the House impeachment hearings? The ringleader was pinhead Florida Congressman, Matt Gaetz. Democratic Rep. Eric Swalwell, who was there describes their fratty-n-bratty revelry in a new book, which was excerpted at Vanity Fair:
At one point after coming back out from a meeting with Schiff, I returned to the smell of pizza, lots of pizza. The Republicans had brought dozens of boxes of pizza into the SCIF to feed themselves. I hadn’t eaten all day because I’d been dealing with the Republicans’ nonsense. I walked over to one of the boxes, reached across Jim Jordan, and grabbed a slice. I was not going to be physically confrontational. Maybe ten years before I would have been a little more in-your-face and tried to throw those guys out myself, just a goalkeeper clearing out the penalty box. But what would that have accomplished? I would like to think I’ve matured. But I certainly was going to eat their pizza.
There’s one flaw in Swallwell’s account. What kind of pizza? Specialty? Pepperoni? Cheese? Enquiring minds wanna know.
We stay in Florida with our next segment.
Saw It Off? Florida Governor Ron DeSantis is Trumpier than thou. He’s played wingnut ostrich during the pandemic allowing the state to remain as open as an open sore. His administration even fired its COVID-19 numbers person so they could cook the books.
Florida’s loosey-goosey approach to the pandemic has bitten them in the ass. One night in one Florida bar infected 16 patrons and 7 employees. And these are the sort of people flocking to New Orleans right now.
I think Bugs Bunny had the right idea:
I am, of course, joking. It would, however, have the salutary effect of sending Mar-a-Lago out to sea. Hey Bugs. could you please do it when the Kaiser of Chaos is in residence?
Before leaving Florida, an Elvis song:
Let’s move our twisted bingo game North, not to Alaska, but to Columbus, Ohio home of THE Ohio State University
Jugglers, Not Juggalos: There was mass confusion recently in Columbus. The local constabulary were flummoxed when this bus arrived in town:
Instead of the unicorns of the left, the Antifa, the bus was populated by hippies who are into juggling and other circus-type tricks. The “weapons” were knives for cooking and axes to chop wood for a stove. It’s a good thing Ronald Reagan and Abe Lincoln aren’t around. They were both into using axes as well:
Make sure you read TPM’s Kate Riga’s hilarious account of this incident. Oh yeah, the jugglers got their bus and tools back and beat it out of town.
I wonder if they used to follow the Dead around in that bus. The local cops were often perturbed by Deadhead encampments. Speaking of the Dead and beating it:
Back to the punny segment title: Jugglers, Not Juggalos. I seem to have to confused Insane Clown Posse fans with the Boogaloo Boys who are the wingnuts who wear Hawaiian shirts to protests. As you can see from this tweet, an apology is in order:
— Insane Clown Posse (@icp) June 16, 2020
Another word that sounds like Juggalo is Gigolo. That’s why the last word goes to my homey Louis Prima: