The Bannon Canon

There’s no such thing as the Bannon Canon, but it’s swell word play, and you know how I am about word play. Besides, I wouldn’t be sorry if Bannon were shot out of a cannon. I would, however, worry about where he’d land. He’s not only a slob, he’s a big slob.

Unless you were hiding under the bed with the Impeached Insult Comedian yesterday, you’ve heard that the House Dipshit Insurrection Select Committee voted unanimously to hold Bannon in criminal contempt. The full House will vote on it tomorrow. I’ve long held Bannon in uncivil contempt, the guy is a giant asshole and a pox on our body politic.

Most of the morons around the Kaiser of Chaos are instinctive Fascists, Steve Bannon is the real deal. One could even call him Giovanni Gentile to Trump’s Mussolini. Gentile was the self-styled philosopher of Italian Fascism. Mussolini was the empty vessel into which Gentile poured his odious ideas. Mussolini was strictly an opportunist who wanted power for power’s sake. Gentile was among those who gave Mussolini’s movement what little coherence it possessed. It was always about power. Like Donald Trump, Mussolini was not big on details.

To Bannon,  the 1/6 Dipshit Insurrection was supposed to be the MAGA equivalent of the Black Shirts march on Rome in 1922. It didn’t turn out that way: Trumpism was too incoherent to seize power with one dramatic gesture. Italians thrive on dramatic gestures, Americans not so much.

Bannon has taken an interest in Italian politics: a Black Shirt revival would be good for American red hats. The good news is that Bannon’s attempt to open a school in a monastery south of Rome for wingnut “gladiators” has failed. One could call it the BIG FLOP.

In any event, the attempt to retain Trump in office failed. It did, however, give the MAGA movement an ideology: the BIG LIE. Former President* Pennywise is insistent that Republicans run on the BIG LIE in both 2022 and 2024. It’s a reminder that he’s a LOSER as even Gret Stet Senator Bill Cassidy acknowledged in an interview with Axios.

The Impeached Insult Comedian has filed an overbroad and preposterous lawsuit asserting executive privilege. That attaches to the presidency, not an individual president and Team Biden isn’t playing. The application to Steve Bannon is ludicrous. He was a private citizen when he made these comments about the 1/6 rally:

In a report recommending the House find Mr. Bannon in contempt, the committee repeatedly cited comments he made on his radio show on Jan. 5 — when Mr. Bannon promised “all hell is going to break loose tomorrow” — as evidence that “he had some foreknowledge about extreme events that would occur the next day.”


“It’s not going to happen like you think it’s going to happen,” Mr. Bannon told his audience on Jan. 5. “It’s going to be extraordinarily different. And all I can say is: Strap in.”

It sounds like Bannon was thinking of the March on Rome. He should have worn black to the so-called Stop The Steal rally. Black is also slimming, and Bannon needs help in that regard. He’s what Tony Soprano’s crew would call a fat fuck.

It’s been a long time since a criminal contempt charge has been voted on by Congress. It was 1983 and Reagan’s EPA honcho Anne Gorsuch (mother of Neil) refused to testify about allegations of mismanagement and the politicization of super fund sites. The House voted unanimously to find Gorsuch in criminal contempt. It took eight days for a grand jury indictment. Gorsuch was acquitted but the whole mishigas led to her resignation.

The case against Mr. Unmade Bed is stronger than that against Gorsuch. As Bannon himself would say at this point, strap in.

Criminal contempt charges against Bannon will not be as dramatic as the amateur lawyers would like. He won’t be perp walked or spend a great deal of jail time. The maximum sentence for that offense is 12 months in jail and a $100K fine.

Hopefully, the charges will result in Bannon’s agreeing to testify. Of course, if he does so, he’ll take the Fifth. Stay tuned.

As much as I hate to agree with Liz Cheney, she got this right yesterday:

Based on the committee’s investigation, it appears that Mr. Bannon had substantial advance knowledge of the plans for Jan. 6 and likely had an important role in formulating those plans. Mr. Bannon was in the war room at the Willard on Jan. 6. He also appears to have detailed knowledge regarding the president’s efforts to sell millions of Americans the fraud that the election was stolen,” Cheney said as the panel voted unanimously to hold Bannon in contempt and refer him to the Justice Department for criminal charges.

Cheney also said that Bannon and Trump’s privilege arguments “do appear to reveal one thing.”

“They suggest that President Trump was personally involved in the planning and execution of Jan. 6,” she said. “And we will get to the bottom of that.”

Neither Trump nor Bannon are detail guys, but they were clearly involved in the broad-brush planning of the Dipshit Insurrection. It’s one reason it failed so spectacularly. That was just the first battle in the MAGA war on truth, justice, and the American way. They’re now trying to win the war by deploying the BIG LIE. They’re bad at politics, but they’re good at propaganda. I hope there will be consequences for the planners of the insurrection, not just for the dipshits. Stay tuned.

The last word goes to Robert Cray:


4 thoughts on “The Bannon Canon

  1. D.C. Comics would like to remind you it’s now “truth, justice, and a better tomorrow”. And better tomorrows begin with El Bannonicus Disgustius spending a year in jail. Real jail. Or as they say in OFFICE SPACE: federal POUND ME IN THE ASS prison.

  2. For a “Bannon Cannon”, you don’t shoot him OUT of a cannon.
    You tie him OVER the MOUTH of a cannon, then shoot.

    Make sure there’s nothing downrange that you don’t want slimed with evil, though.

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