Gohmert Gone To Texas

I’m not sure what Louie Gohmert Piles is praying about in the featured image. If I were the praying sort, I’d pray for the people of Texas. Gohmert is going home to run for Texas Attorney General on an anti-corruption platform. I am not making this up:

“A priority will be election integrity so that every legal vote counts. Though our current AG has had two terms — it seems he really started working harder after so many of his most honorable and very top people in the AG’s office left, complaining of criminal conduct. If you allow me, I will not wait to be my busiest until after some bad press about legal improprieties. I’ll start boldly protecting your rights on day one,” Gohmert said, listing priorities like “unconstitutional mandates,” “parental consent,” immigration at the southern border and voting laws.

It *is* true that Ken Paxton’s picture is in the dictionary next to corrupt piece of shit, but Gohmert Piles is a staunch defender of Matt Gaetz and the Impeached Insult Comedian. It doesn’t get more corrupt than that. Oh well, we in the Gret Stet of Louisiana are used to “conservative reformers.” That was how David Vitter styled himself, after all. That’s right, Diaper Dave called himself a reformer. No wonder I’m leery of that label.

It’s also odd that Gohmert is giving up a safe congressional seat when there’s a good chance that the GOP will take control of the House next year. Perhaps he resents no longer being the craziest House Republican: Marjorie Taylor Greene and Lauren Boebert make him look *almost* sane. He’s still the stupidest member of the House although Louisiana’s Clay Higgins is in contention as well.

As to his nickname, Louie Gohmert Piles, Michael F, Tommy T, and I have been calling him that or just plain Gohmert Pyle for at least a decade. I added the s because he always looks constipated or some such shit. Now that Gomer Pyle USMC is in reruns on Me TV maybe the kids will get the joke.

Here’s an image Michael F did in 2011 of Louie with Speaker Boner as Sgt. Carter:

One thing I learned in researching this piece is that Gohmert has a normal-seeming family and three attractive daughters. His middle child, Caroline, is a singer-songwriter who performs under the name BELLSAINT. She emphatically disagrees with his politics and publicly chided Louie Louie  for his COVID denialism when he came down with the virus. In 2019, she wrote a song called Much Like My Father:

The song begins with these lines:

“Everybody loves you/But there’s poison in the water / You get away with everything / Much like my father.”

A note about the post title. Gone to Texas or GTT was a phrase in vogue with 19th Century Texas emigrees. They were often folks with something to hide. Hell, even Sam Houston had a checkered past before he did the GTT thing.

If Gohmert Piles is elected Texas Attorney General, he won’t even be the dumbest AG on the Gulf Coast. That honor goes to Louisiana’s Jeff Landry who is as dumb as a bag of hammers and just as obnoxious as Louie Louie. Oh baby, me gotta go.

The last word goes to Caroline Gohmert d/b/a BELLSAINT. WFNEO is an acronym for We Fucking Need Each Other. Other than her dim old dad, who would argue that point?

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