Malaka Of The Week: Senator Ron Johnson

I’ve long thought that Wisconsin voters picking Ron Johnson over Russ Feingold disproved Darwin’s theory of evolution. And they’ve done it twice. Who am I to judge? In this century, the Gret Stet of Louisiana has elected David Vitter and John Neely Kennedy to the senate.

Ron Johnson is back in the news for all the wrong reasons. And that is why Wisconsin Senator Ron Johnson is malaka of the week.

Like most senators, Johnson is always talking. Like most Republican senators, Johnson is always putting his foot in his mouth. I like to think of his statements as The Four Ws: wild, weird, wrong, whoppers. Make that Five Ws: he’s the senior senator from Wisconsin, after all.

First Draft has deep ties to Wisconsin so I’m not dogging the Cheese and Tavern state. My mother was from there. First Draft alums Athenae, Scout, and Doc are all native Wisconsinites. And the preternaturally awesome Jude is still allowed to roam free in Madison. But Ron Johnson is a Wisconsin politician who specializes in mendacious malakatude like Joe McCarthy and Scott Walker. Fighting Bob LaFollette weeps.

Senator Malaka tested positive for COVID last year but was asymptomatic, so he thinks he’s superman or some such shit. His latest whopper is on the subject of vaccines. Quite naturally, he doesn’t like them:

“Why would we just automatically assume that our natural immunity is going to be awful?” he ranted. “You would think the default position would be, if you’ve already had it, you ought to be pretty well protected. Why do we assume that the body’s natural immune system isn’t the marvel that it really is?”

“Why do we think that we can create something better than God in terms of combatting disease?” the senator added. “There are certain things we have to do, but we have just made so many assumptions, and it’s all pointed toward everybody getting a vaccine.”

Uh, Senator, vaccines are based on using viruses, bacteria, and other nasty things to combat disease by augmenting the body’s natural immune system. Most of us learned that in high school Biology class. Perhaps Senator Malaka skipped that day because he preferred dissecting frogs and fetal pigs. That was then, this is now. Is the pro-life senator against fetal pig dissections? His political views are on the porcine side so…

Since tomorrow is the first anniversary of the Dipshit Insurrection, let’s revisit one of Ron Johnson’s greatest hits:

“Even though those thousands of people that were marching to the Capitol were trying to pressure people like me to vote the way they wanted me to vote,” Johnson said in an interview on conservative radio host Joe Pag’s show Thursday, “I knew those were people that love this country, that truly respect law enforcement, would never do anything to break the law, and so I wasn’t concerned.”

“Now, had the tables been turned — Joe, this could get me in trouble — had the tables been turned,” he continued, “and President Trump won the election and those were tens of thousands of Black Lives Matter and Antifa protesters, I might have been a little concerned.”

It’s amazing how many ways Ron can step on his Johnson. The man is a medical marvel of mendacious malakatude. And that is why Senator Ron Johnson is malaka of the week.

Since Senator Malaka is fixated on natural immunity, the last word goes to Crowded House:

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