Malaka Of The Week: Charles Herbster

It’s unfair to pair Frank Bonner as the mildly lecherous Herb Tarlek of WKRP fame with GOP groper Charles Herbster but I’ve always thought of Tarlek as the Herbster. His bark, however, was much worse than his bite. That’s not true of Charles Herbster who cannot keep his hands to himself. And that is why Charles Herbster is malaka of the week.

Charles Herbster is a cattle tycoon running to replace fellow tycoon Pete Ricketts as Governor of Nebraska. Herbster relentlessly brags about his endorsement by another tycoon, the Impeached Insult Comedian.

One of the issues Herbster is running on is “election security” that’s a Trumper code word for “we wuz robbed” in 2020. I’m not sure how that applies to the Cornhusker state in 2022, but Trumpers gotta Trump.

There’s something else Malaka Herbster has in common with his lord and master. I’m quoting this bit from TPM’s Christina Cabrera because it rocks:

“Gubernatorial candidate Charles Herbster (R-NE) insisted to the Omaha World-Herald that the groping allegations from eight women (which have been corroborated by three people speaking on the record) are all lies – but don’t just take his word for it!

  • “I could bring you literally hundreds of females across this country who would attest to my integrity in the way that I have empowered and worked with ladies and worked with women to be in executive positions in companies and build businesses,” Herbster said. That’s right, females, ladies and women!
  • Herbster plans on filing libel suits against the Nebraska Examiner, which first reported the allegations, and state Sen. Julie Slama (R), one of the eight women who came forward.”

Here’s Senator Slama’s story of her close encounter with malakatude:

“During an event in 2019, for example, Republican State Sen. Julie Slama confirmed that as she walked by Herbster, he reached up her skirt, without her consent, and touched her inappropriately. The incident happened in the middle of a crowded ballroom at the Douglas County Republican Party’s annual Elephant Remembers dinner. 

At the time, Slama had been recently appointed to the District 1 legislative seat representing southeast Nebraska. Herbster owns a farm and a house in the district. 

Another person attending the 2019 event saw Herbster reach up Slama’s skirt and had told the Examiner about it. That witness and two others said they saw Herbster grope another young woman on her buttocks at the same event.”

In further emulation of Trump, Herbster has slammed Slama with a lawsuit. She has countersued in part because of this ad:

Let me get this straight: Charles Herbster is the new Clarence Thomas and Brett Kavanaugh? In what way?

Does he like Long Dong Silver like Clarence?

Does he like beer like Justice Bro?

The tone of the ad is conspiratorial and accusatory. Blaming the victim worked for Thomas and Kavanaugh but they only had to face the Senate Judiciary Committee. Herbster has to face the voters. I hope Cornhusker voters cornhole this creep.

Former President* Pennywise will headline a rally tonight in support of his fellow GOP groper. Trump will, of course, talk about himself and only mention his fellow pervert in passing whilst rallying at the I-80 Speedway in Greenwood, Nebraska.

There’s a new twist to the Herbster mishigas. The cattle baron is fresh meat for the British tabloid The Daily Mail:

“Herbster, a wealthy cattle breeder and loyal Trump ally, launched his candidacy last year and used the email address on his official filing with the Nebraska secretary of state.

The same address was in the huge trove of Ashley Madison data dumped online by hackers, according to an independent analysis conducted by a cybersecurity expert for”

Oops. That’s where the similarities to the Kaiser of Chaos end. Trump may schtup porn stars, but he doesn’t use email or the internet. He may have to give his fellow perv a stern talking to at the I-80 Speedway, which may even qualify as locker room talk.

Herbster is a minor league Trump. Like his role model, Herbster is a pussy. He should grab himself. And that is why Charles Herbster is malaka of the week.

In “honor” of the Trump-Herbster rally, the last word goes to Tom Morello:

3 thoughts on “Malaka Of The Week: Charles Herbster

  1. Slama clearly should have grabbed Herbster’s hand and broken a few fingers.

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