I usually reserve extended periods of anger for personal matters. Greeks are much like Italians in that way: our vendettas tend to be private ones. I’m making an exception for Sam the Sham Alito & the Federalist Society Pharaohs. They’re still dancing on my last nerve. They’ve even driven me to an egregiously long title. It may also have something to do with skipping the album cover art feature this week.

They say that the devil is in the details; in judicial opinions, even ranty ones, the devil is in the footnotes. The latest outrage uncovered in the draft opinion from hell is this:

…if you needed further proof that Alito is pure evil and wants to take the U.S. back to a time when women’s bodies were property for men to control, know that one of the people he cited in his opinion was an English jurist who defended marital rape and had women executed for “witchcraft.”

That’s right, Alito approvingly quotes Sir Matthew Hale who was born in 1609 as support for overruling Roe and Casey in the 21st Century.

“Two treatises by Sir Matthew Hale,” Alito enthusiastically writes, “described abortion of a quick child who died in the womb as a ‘great crime’ and a ‘great misprision.’ See M. Hale, Pleas of the Crown.” As Jezebel notes, The History of the Pleas of the Crown “is a text that defended and laid the foundation for the marital rape exemption across the world” and reads: “For the husband cannot be guilty of a rape committed by himself upon his lawful wife for by their mutual matrimonial consent and contract the wife hath given up herself in this kind unto her husband which she cannot retract.” Again, Alito used the arguments of this man to bolster his case.

Sam the Sham Alito & the Federalist Society Pharaohs are taking the country to Hale and back. What’s next? Burning witches at the stake?

I need a brief musical interlude to regain my composure:

The image comes from the 1942 movie, I Married A Witch. I guess it’s too late for Veronica Lake to cast a spell on Sam the Sham and save the day. It wouldn’t work anyway: one has to be sentient for a spell to work.

Chief Justice Roberts is at least sentient, his preference is to keep Roe on the books and uphold the Mississippi law under Casey’s undue burden test. It seems unduly burdensome to me but I’m not the Chief.

FYI, those who express shock that Roberts has “lost control” of the court don’t know what they’re talking about. The Chief Justice is merely first among equals and can only lead the court if they’re respected by the other Justices. Roberts is not the first Chief to preside over a runaway court. A recent example is Warren Burger who was disdained by his colleagues for his pomposity and limited legal skills.

The extreme language in Alito’s Dobbs rant is seen as a green light in the several states for extremist legislation:

Here is Louisiana’s new fetal personhood bill—which House Republicans just voted out of committee 7–2—making abortion a crime of homicide “from the moment of fertilization” and allowing prosectors to charge patients with murder. https://t.co/DJahoVd7mN

— Mark Joseph Stern (@mjs_DC) May 5, 2022

The bill is sponsored by State Rep. Danny McCormick whose mask warrior antics I wrote about in 2020. McCormick once took a chainsaw to masks, which puts him at the cutting edge of everything retrograde and stupid in the not-so Gret Stet of Louisiana. McChainsaw can go Bork himself.

To say that the glee with which so-called pro-life extremists are reacting to the Alito draft is unseemly is a grotesque understatement. Mitch McConnell is not among them. He’s keeping his head down, hoping that people will forget that his scheming caused this mess. He told his caucus to focus on the leak, not the unhinged substance of Alito’s opinion. Why? Overruling Roe is unpopular with the voters even in red states.

The Turtle’s support for anti-choice absolutism has always been tactical and cynical. He never expected to reap the whirlwind of his cynical political scheming. The Turtle can go Bork himself.

Repeat after me: DON’T CALL THEM CONSERVATIVES.

The practical implications of overruling Roe and Casey are devastating. Since Li’l Red Riding Hood was one of the original Sam the Sham & the Pharaohs biggest hits, let’s use her as an example.

• If Little Red Riding Hood were raped by the Big Bad Wolf, she’d be forced to carry her rapist’s wolfy baby to term.
• If Little Red Riding Hood were raped by her father, she’d be forced to carry his incestuous seed to term.
• If Little Red Riding Hood were at death’s door, it would be illegal to perform an abortion to save her life.
• If Grimm’s fairy tale Doctor Knowall were to perform an abortion on Little Red Riding Hood both he and his fellow fictional character could be prosecuted for murder.

I wonder if there’s any way we can convince the Q-Creeps that the first example means that Sam the Sham Alito & the Federalist Society Pharaohs support bestiality. They believe many weird and outlandish things such as Donald Trump being the messiah, chosen one or some such shit.

I mentioned vendettas at the top of the post. Sam the Sham’s draft Dobbs opinion drips with contempt and vengeful disdain. His opinion is the judicial equivalent of the horse’s head scene in The Godfather. Is this any way to run a court or a country?

Sam the Sham Alito & the Federalist Society Pharaohs can go Bork themselves.

The last word goes to Sam the Sham & the Pharaohs: