Kash Is For Kids

Kash Patel is the MAGA maggot’s MAGA maggot. Patel first came to public attention as Devin Nunes’ hatchet man. He moved to the National Security Council where he specialized in sucking up to the Kaiser of Chaos. His boss liked Patel’s relentless flattery so much that he nearly appointed him deputy CIA director before moving him to the Pentagon after Mark Esper’s firing.

Esper and Patel have something in common: they have new books. Esper’s should be called Things I Should Have Said When I Was Still In Government. Patel’s book is a conspiracy theory fairy tale for children, The Plot Against The King. I am not making this up.

Here’s how the Guardian describes Patel’s book:

“The 35-page tome, complete with an epilogue that details Donald Trump’s false claims about the FBI inquiry, bizarrely uses the tool of children’s fictional characters to provide a revisionist account of the probe that dogged the first two years of the Trump presidency and eventually led to a special counsel investigation.

Over the course of the book, the narrative lionises Patel and depicts him as a wizard who supposedly shows how “the King” Trump was wrongly accused of “cheating” to take the throne.

The book claims the king was accused of cheating by a “shifty knight” – a reference to the Democratic chair of the intelligence committee, Adam Schiff, who claims to have a “paper” from a “steel” box attesting to wrongdoing.

But Patel writes that he then found evidence that the slug “Keeper Komey” – a reference to former FBI director James Comey – put slugs in the “steel” box at the behest of “Hillary Queenton”, who was also vying for the throne – a reference to Clinton.

The wizard Patel then proclaims to the kingdom, the book says, that “the king, King Donald, is innocent” and “did not work with the Russonians” – a reference to Russia – and “Hillary wrote that paper and had her sneaky slugs slide into the steel box.”

In one way, it *is* a typical inside the beltway memoir, the author is the hero of the story. Patel’s MAGA fairy tale transforms a run of the mill political hack into a wizard. Instead of the Wizard of Id, Kash is the Wizard of Idiots.

Warning: The description at the Brave Books web site is apt to result in spit takes and knee slapping hilarity.

“A key player in uncovering one of our nation’s biggest injustices tells the whole story—for kids!

Kash Patel partners with Beacon of Freedom Publishing House, an imprint of BRAVE Books, to bring a fantastical retelling of Hillary’s horrible plot against Trump to the whole family.

Full of fake heralds and keeper Komey’s spying slugs, this is a story of daring and danger. But never fear! Kash the Distinguished Discoverer will win the day.”

Kash is neither distinguished nor a discoverer. He’s just another failed coup plotter trying to cash in on his nefarious deeds.

The book isn’t cheap: it sells for $19.99 but a signed copy goes for $59.99. Who knew that a fake wizard’s signature could be so costly? Who does he think he is, Pete Rose?

I’m not going to fact check this nonsense; suffice it to say that none of its true but it doesn’t matter: it’s fantasy, man. Call it Game of Thrones for morons.

What is it with MAGA maggots writing kids books? My hunch is that they’re writing at a level that the Kaiser of Chaos can understand. A reminder that his CIA briefers showed him lots of pictures and didn’t expect him to read any pesky text. Mustn’t tire the king.

I have no idea who will purchase this tendentious tome for tots. Presumably, the author’s real goal is a job in a second Trump administration. Does he hope to be Defense Secretary, CIA Director, or Grand Vizier?

Stay tuned.

The last word goes to Tom Petty:

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