The Cannon Ruling: Bad But Not A Disaster

Judge Aileen Cannon and William Conrad as Frank Cannon, no relation.

Dr. A and I spent part of our long weekend catching up on The Good Fight. We concluded our binge watch with the season 4 opener in which Diane Lockhart (played by Christine Baranski who has the best laugh ever) dreams that the Trump presidency* was just a nightmare. In the end, Diane had a concussion, which is nothing to laugh about. Trump was still president* but the alternate reality was fucked up just like the real world always is.

The only Utopia I believe in is the band:

I did my best to avoid national political news on Labor Day, so when I saw the name Cannon, I hoped it was William Conrad as Frank Cannon:  gourmand, wine snob, and hard ass teevee private eye. No such luck.

Instead, the news was about an inexperienced and corrupt judge issuing a corrupt ruling in favor of a corrupt former president* in the corrupt state of Florida. She’s a disgrace to the name Cannon. Conrad’s Cannon would have shot her a withering glare with his baby blues.

What kind of federal judge issues an opinion on a federal holiday? It was Trump appointee Aileen Cannon who fired off this opinion on a day that should be reserved for grilling and day drinking or catching up with The Good Fight and listening to Christine Baranski laugh. Laugh, Christine, laugh.

Judge Cannon’s opinion is no laughing matter. It’s a misfire, a damp squib written to buy the Impeached Insult Comedian time. There’s a swell summary at TPM and legal eagle Neal Katyal boils it down to nine Tweets. Who’s not impressed by such clarity and concision? Neal obviously aimed high:

Expect an immediate appeal of this unappealing ruling. The Cannon special master ruling is a turd in the judicial punchbowl ready to be flushed. Team Trump does not expect to prevail in the long run. The Special Master gambit is all about delay, delay, delay. Following Cannon’s logic, NO white-collar corruption case could ever be prosecuted. It’s doomed but it slows the process down. That’s all Team Trump wanted or expected from this holiday surprise.

Repeat after me: Turd, punchbowl, flush.

As always, the amateur lawyers read way too much into the opinion. A stupefyingly stupid social media freak out ensued.

The worst-case scenarists are wetting the bed like nervous nellies again. That’s my new stock phrase to describe the whining and social media drama that accompanies any setback no matter how temporary. It combines a touch of Adrastos, a dash of David Plouffe, and a pinch of LBJ. It’s a recipe for political hilarity.

If Frank Cannon were real he’d slap some sense into the amateur lawyers, but fictional characters lack a corporeal palm with which to slap. Frank would just have to laugh at them along with Diane Lockhart. Laugh, Frank and Diane, laugh.

I posted the Pretenders version of a Kinks classic yesterday. The original gets the last word:

UPDATE: Andrew Weisman has chimed in on the Cannon opinion at The Atlantic. When he speaks I listen.

One thought on “The Cannon Ruling: Bad But Not A Disaster

  1. “… Following Cannon’s logic, NO white-collar corruption case could ever be prosecuted. …”

    This logic is presented by a person holding down a life-time job making such rulings.

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