For The Benefit Of Steve Scalise

The Steve Scalise butt plug.

If I were religious, I’d thank the good lord every day that I don’t live in the slice of Orleans Parish represented by Steve Scalise. The lege gerrymandered things so Scalise would have the maximum number of white people. My neighborhood is a mixed bag of nuts as it were, so we dodged the Scalise bullet.

I’m on the record as detesting Scalise who whips it bad for House Republicans. His voting record is Trumpier than thou. He voted against certifying the election results after the Dipshit Insurrection and against investigating it. Despite being a gun violence victim, he wants the country armed and dangerous.

I’ve written many times about the man from Metry. Two pieces stand out in my mind: a 2014 malaka of the week post and a 2019 13th Ward Rambler column at Bayou Brief, Inside The Pocket Of A Clown. That one foreshadows this post title. More about that anon.

The day after the red dribble, I predicted that Scalise would knife his ostensible commanding officer, KMac. It turns out that the local rag the Picvocate decided to give aid and comfort to the potential mutineer on the vacuous and cliched basis that it “would be good for Louisiana.”

What the hell has Scalise ever done for the Gret Stet of Louisiana? He voted against the Biden infrastructure bill. Then he took credit for a measure he’d opposed. It’s not the first time: Lather, rinse, repeat. The malakatude, it burns.

Back to the Picayune/Advocate/NOLA. com editorial: Steve Scalise For Speaker. It’s full of bluster and bullshit and claims that he’s not as partisan as he seems. I prefer to judge a Congresscritter by their voting record instead of their brown nosing. Silly me.

Here are the relevant passages:

“We see a new leader for the House GOP as not only needed by the party but inevitable.

Expectations being what they were, current GOP leader Kevin McCarthy failed on Tuesday by the test that really matters in politics.

Republicans should replace him with Steve Scalise of Jefferson Parish, an able and intelligent No. 2 as GOP whip.

Scalise has loyally said he will not run to displace McCarthy. We suspect a great many Republicans in the House caucus will force a leadership change, whatever Scalise might want personally.

We don’t always agree with Scalise, our hometown product, and have criticized his engagement in the worst of the era’s partisan warfare, up to and including his vote against certifying the rightful 2020 presidential election results.

But in many matters, national as well as local, he is a leader beyond political interests, and a bipartisan approach is desperately needed in a House so closely divided.

With a larger majority, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi was often bedeviled by splits in her caucus with ultraliberals. There are ultraconservatives in the GOP caucus who would make Scalise’s job difficult.

That means that legislation, what we ultimately expect of Congress, depends on a steady hand as speaker, a pragmatist who knows how to make a deal when it is necessary to get bills passed.

We believe Scalise would be not just a partisan leader but a national figure in a difficult time. It is his duty to run for speaker of the House.”

Where do we start? Scalise *is* one of the ultraconservatives. That’s why he has support in his caucus. I only called them conservatives because the local rag made me do it.

Repeat after me; Don’t call them conservatives.

Bipartisan approach? There’s no evidence of that. This is clearly the product of Scalise sucking up to the local media. The line one often hears from Gret Stet media types is that he’s nice socially. That may be okay if you’re a plutocrat or socialite but he’s a hardcore right-winger as well as a lying grifter.

Duty? Scalise is a Machiavellian figure always ready to knife someone higher up on what Disraeli called “the greasy pole” of political advancement.

Steve Scalise is a classic bully. He kisses up and kicks down.

If he were a Dickens character, Scalise would be Uriah Heep.

If he were a sitcom character, Scalise would be Eddie Haskell.

Scalise is much smarter than KMac so it’s easy to imagine him outmaneuvering the hapless Republican leader. A reminder that Scalise was among the people who came up with the GOP’s strategy that promised a mountain but delivered a molehill.

It’s still unclear that the Republicans will take the House. Scalise may be the next minority leader instead of Speaker. Holy premature endorsement, Batman.

It’s also unclear if support from the Picayune/Advocate/NOLA. com will help or hurt Scalise’s cause. KMac is an idiot so it will probably help.

You’re probably wondering about the post title. I started off with several possibilities:

  • Picvocate Knifes KMac For Scalise.
  • Picayune Knifes KMac For Scalise.
  • Picayune Knifes KMac For The Benefit Of Steve Scalise.

The third candidate gave me an earworm. I’ve had clowns and circuses on my mind of late. It occurred to me that if you substitute Steve Scalise for Mr. Kite in a song title from Sgt. Pepper, it scans. How beneficial is that?

The last word goes to The Beatles:

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