We all know that former President* Pennywise is a grifter. Just in time for Christmas, he’s come up with his cheesiest grift ever:
99 bucks? Are you fucking kidding me? I don’t even know what the fuck an NFT is. Actually, I do but I prefer to plead ignorance when confronted by such a grotesque combination of greed and tackiness.
The website that sells these fakakta “trading cards” claims that they’re sold out. Maybe Team Trump is telling the truth. There’s a first time for everything.
My favorite cards are the ones that reflect the passions of a boy growing up in the Fifties when men were men and Trump was young:
I’m Photoshop illiterate and I could do a better job than this. They’ve stuck the Trump head on some lean torsos and declared victory. Declaring fake victories is what Team Trump does best, after all.
I’m confused by the iconography. Notice in the “hunter” image, the Impeached Insult Comedian is wearing a black hat. I thought he was a “hero” to his followers: villains like Jack Palance in Shane wore black hats.
The Kaiser of Chaos *is* wearing a white hat in his cowboy pose but he’s no John Wayne, he just thinks he is:
The Duke was no John Wayne in real life either. He and Trump *do* have something in common: they’re both right-wing superpatriots and draft dodgers.
One more thing about the NFT boy’s fantasy trading cards. The astronaut is wearing shades, which makes him look more like Joe Biden:
Dig that Time cover with Trump’s pal Putin reflected in Joey B Shark’s shades.
I could go on and on about CollectTrumpCards. There’s a raffle/lottery aspect to buying one of these NFT doohickeys. You can win a meeting with the Kaiser Of Chaos. Dream of playing golf with the Donald or dining at Mar-a-Doorn with the Kaiser? This is your chance. I am not making this up.
If you waste enough money on NFT tchotchkes, you can be a WINNER.
I don’t know who thought this was a good idea but it’s a LOSER move from a man whose ideology, such as it is, is based on WINNING.
What a card. What a cheat. What a card cheat.
The last word goes to The Clash: