Trump Goes Wacko In Waco

I realize the title should use “remains wacko” rather than goes wacko, but the latter scans better.

Repeat after me: I am tired of writing about Donald Trump. I’ve spilled thousands of words ridiculing and reviling him since 2015 when I dubbed him the Insult Comedian.

Why write about him now? He’s the frontrunner for the 2024 GOP nomination, which makes him a clear and present danger to the Republic. I wish he would just go away but he’s like a cancerous tumor in a place unreachable by modern medicine.

The featured image is of Trump and Ron DeSantis because I begin with the Florida Man’s faltering non-campaign. Or is that un-campaign like this famous series of ads?

Singing: We all live in an Uncola submarine, an Uncola submarine, Uncola submarine.

Hit it, Ringo:

Back to GOP politics.

Republican elites appear to be looking for a new un-Trump. Ron DeSantis’ early un-campaign has been awkward. He blinked on Ukraine. The Kaiser of Chaos is always wrong but he rarely blinks or admits error. It’s what passes for principled in the Trumpified GOP.

One problem with the man I call D Duce Wannabe is that he lacks charm and wit. I don’t find Trump charming or witty but his supporters do. DeSantis is a solemn creep who thinks he’s Tom Cruise in the Top Gun movies.

He was a lawyer in the Navy but not as skilled as Tom Cruise in A Few Good Men or as animated as Cruise on Oprah’s sofa.

The Cruise couch jump would be a good test for GOP presidential hopefuls. I bet Tim Scott could do it. Trump could not. I’m unsure about DeSantis and Nikki Haley.

What’s up with all the candidates from South Carolina? The only president born in the Palmetto State was Andrew Jackson. The only Veep who claimed it as their home state was John C. Calhoun. One would hope that an Indian American woman and a Black man wouldn’t want to evoke his memory.

Trivia Time: Calhoun was the first Veep to resign. The second was my disgraced countryman Spiro Agnew. How did I get from Cruise to Agnew? Beats the hell outta me.

Let’s leave South Carolina and return to Florida, man.

Here’s Slate’s Jim Newell’s take on the Florida Man’s interview with a Celebrity Apprentice winner:

In an interview with Piers Morgan, DeSantis also engaged with Trump a little bit. He said of the “Ron DeSanctimonious” nickname Trump has given him, “I don’t know how to spell the sanctimonious one. I don’t really know what it means, but I kinda like it. It’s long; it’s got a lot of vowels.” DeSantis has a bachelor’s degree from Yale and a law degree from Harvard. Don’t do the ooh big scary word thing.

If you believe that, there’s a theme park in Florida, I’d like to sell you. FYI, its denizens have been busy signing recall petitions in New Orleans. I am not making this up. Who knew that Mickey, Donald, and Goofy hated Teedy?

Is this Ronnie D’s new slogan? Dumber Than Trump.

If so, I’m not buying it. I have a friend who matriculated with the Governor. She thinks he’s smart and cynical. I think he’s an opportunist who blows with the wind. The prevailing breeze comes from the Impeached Insult Comedian’s big fat bazoo.

The timing and location of Trump’s Waco rally was designed to remind people that it’s the 30th anniversary of the FBI-Koresh standoff in the Waco area. It’s an anniversary only the Proud Boys, Oath Keepers, and other militia groups should love. I, for one, refuse to watch the Waco wacko programming on either Netflix or Showtime. David Koresh was a child abusing monster, not a figure of fascination.

I won’t go into the specifics of what was said and done by the wacko former president* in Waco but I will link to a Guardian piece about it. Marge Greene dug it:

Marge spoke at it.

That’s all you need to know about it.

The last word goes to Billy Joe Shaver: