The American politician Nikki Haley most reminds me of is former Gret Stet Governor PBJ DBA Bobby Jindal. That’s not a compliment. And that is why Nikki Haley is malaka of the week.

Nikki Haley claims to be a serious candidate for the Republican nomination. Her campaign has the requisite funding to make a serious run, but it’s an empty, hollow, and shallow vessel. Those are three words that describe both Haley and PBJ: empty, hollow, and shallow. Hence the featured image of Haley and Jindal pretending to care about something other than themselves. They remind me of the title of John Dean’s Watergate memoir:

Haley claims to be qualified because she was Governor of the Palmetto State for six years before signing on as Trump’s UN ambassador for two years. She did little to distinguish herself in either job.

It’s all about ambition for Nikki Haley. She’s determined to reach the top of what Disraeli called the greasy pole of politics, but she doesn’t want to offend anyone on her way up. That is at least an improvement on the GOP frontrunner; offending people is the Indicted Impeached Insult Comedian’s jam.

Haley’s positions on the issues of the day are confusing. I cannot for the life of me understand her position on abortion. She’s trying to offend as few people as possible, which is always offensive. The so-called Right to Lifers view their issue as if were a religious fetish. They’re absolutists who see Haley for what she is: a squish.

Haley’s position on pardons is equally nonsensical and ephemeral. One day, she wants to pardon the Dipshit Insurrectionists, the next day the Kaiser of Chaos, and the next day no one at all. It all seems based on what the internal poll of the day tells her.

Does anyone think that Nikki Haley has what it takes to defeat Donald Trump in the primaries? Check this out:

She seems to be pledging her political troth to the Darnold. Of course, with Nikki Haley one can never tell what she really thinks. The hand on the heart gesture may well be as meaningless as the rest of what passes for her platform.

Haley was widely derided last weekend for his Tweet:

Do you remember when you were growing up, do you remember how simple life was, how easy it felt? It was about faith, family, and country. We can have that again, but to do that, we must vote Joe Biden out. #RTM2023

— Nikki Haley (@NikkiHaley) June 24, 2023

Haley is 51-years-old. Life was neither simple nor easy when she was growing up. I know because I was there.  It was the time of Watergate, gas lines, genocide in Cambodia, and Jonestown. Life was never as simple as shallow nostalgists such as Haley think it was. Life is always hard and complicated. Voting Joe Biden out will not change that; neither will electing Nikki Haley.

The scary thing about the Haley-PBJ comparison is that she’s worse. PBJ occasionally took some bold stances. Remember when he called the GOP the stupid party? He quickly caved to the Republican cave people, but it was a memorable line. Haley never says anything memorable at all: it’s all right-wing boilerplate with her. Her ambition is not only blind, it’s bland.

Nikki Haley needs a miracle to win the Republican nomination. She’s a member of a party that uses minorities as a smokescreen to disguise their bigotry. They’re not interested in making history by nominating an Asian Pacific woman. She’s whistling past the graveyard if she believes it’s possible. And that is why Nikki Haley is malaka of the week.

The last word goes to Iggy Pop: