Gavels are used by judges to bring unruly litigants to heel. It just struck me that a Trump gavel might lead to disorder in the court, a title that I stole from a Three Stooges short. Nothing seems to focus Trump’s attention except for the direst threat; even then he’s incapable of shutting up.

Delay is the Indicted Impeached Insult Comedian’s main legal tactic. It’s what guilty people do and he’s guilty as sin. The presumption of innocence is for the courtroom not the internet, so I’m not pretending that he’s innocent. As far as I can tell, he’s never been innocent. For all we know, he may be Rosemary’s Baby:

That’s the face I make when contemplating a second Trump term.

The Kaiser of Chaos is expected to testify in the civil fraud case in Manhattan today. It’s a major difference between criminal and civil cases. The defendant can be forced to testify in the latter and should never take the stand in a criminal case, especially pathological liars.

Trump took the Fifth over 400 times in his deposition for the case. It will be interesting to see if he does it again. If not, it could lead to:

I have an advanced degree in Stoogeology. I long ago diagnosed Donald as Moe. Don Junior is clearly Curly and Eric is Larry. Eric has long been thought to be the dumbest member of that family; he confirmed it this week by claiming that he’s a “construction guy” who spends most of his time “pouring concrete.” I am not making this up. Eric Trump is.

I wonder if the dimmest bulb in the Trump family knows this song:

In Eric Trump’s case, a better title would be Concrete and Steal.

Ivanka Trump Kushner tried to evade testifying because it’s a school night and she’s the world’s best mommy. #sarcasm. The court didn’t buy it, so Princess MAGA will testify on Wednesday. Will she take the Fifth? Is she really Shemp Howard in a frock? All I’ve got are questions including this one:

The title is obscured but qualifies as a rhetorical question when any Trump is involved, Would I Lie To You?

Ivanka is no Annie Lennox and Dave Stewart has better hair than any of the Three Trump Stooges. Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk.

Let’s take a quick look at the purloined papers case. Judge Aileen Cannon has reverted to form: she’s shown extreme bias against Jack Smith and his team. Her court filings are sarcastic and snarky. Judges aren’t supposed to do snark but it’s what Judge Loose Cannon knows best.

Cannon seems to know less about the law than some of the amateur lawyers I’m so fond of scolding. Speaking of loose lips, Judge Loose Cannon would be well-advised to heed this World War II era admonition:

In the coup plot case, Judge Chutkan’s gag order is being flouted by the defendant. I don’t think locking Trump up would be wise. It would confirm his First Amendment argument in the Trumpier corners of the country. If the Judge wants to play hardball, she should threaten to move the trial date up. That would lead to panic in the Trumpy streets.

Team Trump’s legal defense is akin to the Four Corners stall offense perfected by Dean Smith. It was so effective that it’s one reason college basketball adopted the shot clock. I hate to draw this comparison because Dean Smith was an ardent liberal and social justice champion on and off the court. Sorry, Dean, but when I think stalls, I think of this:

That was the great Tar Heel point guard Phil Ford running the Four Corners for the Dean. Enough hoops nostalgia.

I haven’t posted as much about legal issues for the past few weeks to avoid burnout. Team Trump is throwing a lot of paperwork at the wall hoping that some of it will stick like this moment from the Lemmon-Matthau Odd Couple:

I’ve read most of the court filings. Those from Team Smith are professionally crafted, the ones from Team Trump echo the adage I learned in my 1L civil procedure class with Gary Roberts: “If you throw enough shit against the wall, some of it will stick.”

You say spaghetti, I say shit. Let’s call the whole thing off.

The last word goes to Willie Nelson and Cyndi Lauper: