There’s much hubbub about the handwritten apology letters Fauni Willis required Cheese and the Kraken Lady to write. They’re both one sentence missives, which miss the mark for many myself included. They’re more like parental excuse notes than formal apologies.

The Fulton County DA, however, is satisfied:

“If you do something wrong that impacts the community … then there needs to be real contrition. The contrition doesn’t have to be some poetic melody. It doesn’t have to be pages and pages. Sometimes you just need ‘I’m sorry.’ And if you get ‘I’m sorry,’ then we can move on and move past (it) if it’s a sincere apology. … It doesn’t need to be very long. In fact, all I would rather is a sentence. But I think it’s important.”

The Cheese’s epistle looks like it was written by a ten-year-old with rotten penmanship:

I get it: I, too, have bad handwriting. I was the last in my class to receive a pen the year we learned cursive writing. The other kids enjoyed my penmanship suffering because I was the smartest kid in the class, modest too.

Here’s what The Kraken Lady had to say for herself:

That’s one of the sorriest apologias I’ve ever seen. Note the distinctive y’s. Y u should note them is beyond me.

There’s a lingering question: did they use white or yellow legal pads?

I must give Cheese and the Kraken Lady credit for brevity. In my experience, lawyers are rarely brief. They should have, however, been obliged to mention the severity of their offenses against the people of Georgia and the US&A.

Thus far the punishments do NOT fit the crime. They’re both still allowed to malpractice practice law. They better be cooperative cooperators.

The good news is that Jack Smith may still indict them. Do it for me, Jack. I love my Cheese and Kraken post titles. Besides, they deserve to have the book thrown at them. How about Larry Tribe’s Con Law treatise? It’s a 1420 page hardback. Ouch.

The last word goes to The Smithereens: