Wednesday is the day off in the Trump porn star hush money election interference trial, so David Pecker has not finished his testimony. He’ll bring more wood tomorrow, but I’ll be focusing on the Supreme Court’s belated absolute immunity hearing instead.

Once again, I came up with a swell title, David’s Peckermony, so I had to figure out how to use it. When in doubt, do a Top Ten List.

It’s time to dust off my thesaurus. I just lied like Defendant Trump; I used Thesarus.com.

The list is less about David’s Peckermony than his life as a tabloid scumbag. All the words apply to the Indicted Impeached Insult Comedian as well.

Repeat after me: A good title is a terrible thing to waste.

Top Ten Words That Describe David Pecker & The National Enquirer

Number 10:

Number 9, Number 9, Number 9:

It’s time to bring on the S words.

Number 8:

Number 7:

Number 6:

Number 5:

Number 4:

Number 3:

Number 2:

Number 1:

I was briefly tempted to use only S words but 7 were enough. I also considered using more penis synonyms, but decided that 2 were enough.

It’s a pity that David is such a New Yorker that I couldn’t use peckerwood. It’s too rural. Oh well, what the hell.

Since tabloidy isn’t a word, the last word goes to Michael Jackson: