One of the few moves in the direction of transparency SCOTUS has made is to allow the streaming of oral arguments. I’ve only listened a few times because I’d rather read transcripts or summaries by lawyers better versed in the facts of the case. This time. we’re all depressingly familiar with the facts of the case and the bonkers argument made by Team Trump.

Remember when I talked about MELOB aka the moral equivalent of live blogging? That goes for today: It’s not just for the Trump porn star hush money election interference trial. This is the pregame part of the post with snide remarks and instant analysis to follow during and after the argument.

In Trump v. United State,  SCOTUS has narrowed the question before it to this:

Does a former president enjoy presidential immunity from criminal prosecution for conduct alleged to involve official acts during his tenure in office, and if so, to what extent?”

This extremely narrow framing is part of some Justices’ scheme to delay deciding the case until the last possible second. Come on down, Sam the Sham and Corrupt Clarence. They have some help from at least two other Justices. It only takes two to tango, but it takes four to grant certiorari.

Despite their power to lift the stay on the Dipshit Insurrection case, I expect the Supremes to continue slow walking it with a decision to come on the last day of the term. This is almost a given since the Court never issues an opinion when dissents are being written. I expect there will be two dissents as well as some concurrences to muddy the waters. Muddying waters is what the Roberts Court does best.

Speaking of Muddy Waters:

I wish my mojo was working better and that Clarence Thomas had recused himself from this argument. Unfortunately, his super power is shamelessness.

A post I wrote in January is getting  a lot of traffic,  The Absolute Immunity Shitshow.

Let’s conclude  the pregame show with links to two articles co-written by The Puppetmaster DBA Andrew Weissman:

The Supreme Court Has Already Botched  The Trump Immunity Case with Melissa Murray.

Questions The Supreme Court Should Ask At Thursday’s Oral Argument Immunity on Presidential Immunity with Ryan Goodman.

As a Watergate junkie, this is my favorite question posed to Team Trump by Weissmann and Goodman:

If Richard Nixon had ordered the FBI instead of the so-called plumbers to break into Daniel Ellsberg’s psychiatrist office would Nixon have been immune from prosecution?”

That concludes the pregame show. Let’s break the post up with my favorite lawyer song:

Is that a gavel I hear or the sound of Sam the Sham Alito sitting down? Discuss amongst yourselves.

Get ready for the right wing Justices to put the oy in oyez.

Let’s go MELOB and do some riffing:

Trump’s appellate mouthpiece John Sauer is up first. His voice is so raspy that it sounds as if he smokes 2 packs of unfiltered Camels *and* swallows gravel whole. No one should swallow anything whole that comes out of the mouth of  any Trump lawyer.

Sauer barfing out Trump line. Apparently the Framers were in favor of absolute immunity. Who knew? Why not keep King George III if that was the case?

Corrupt Clarence is the first Supreme to speak followed by Roberts. It’s a relief not to hear Sauer whose voice should cause the Justices to sour on his argument.

Mercifully, Justice Sotomayor interrupted Sauer. My ears thank her.

She asks about a president ordering a rival killed. She maintains that the coup plot is not part of a president’s official duty. Sauer rasps in response.

The second Justice Jackson chimes in. What’s an official act, dude? Sauer rasps unconvincingly.

KBJ not taking any sour shit from Sauer. Sauer is still rasping and making shit up. What an annoying dick.

Sauer stands up for Tricky Dick. Ack. Barf. Rasp.

Gorsuch chimes in. He has a  mellifluous voice, which makes Sauer sound even raspier.

Gorsuch seems to be fishing for a rationale for a concurring opinion or dissent. Sauer still sounds raspy.

Sam the Sham Alito joins the party to help Sauer. He hasn’t attacked the liberal media yet.

Alito sounds patronizing even when he agrees with you. Sauer rasps in response. Sam is his judicial buddy.

Sotomayor is fed up with Sauer’s bullshit. Me, I’d offer him a throat lozenge.

Alito condescends to his colleague from New York state, Sotomayor. The Jersey-New York rivalry continues.

Kavanaugh asks where DC circuit went wrong in its analysis of private and official acts. He’s a touch more skeptical than the other right wingers. Sauer rasps.

Barrett also sounds skeptical about the private-official distinction. This is getting more interesting. Sauer rasps.

Roberts wants to know about the practical consequences of Sauer’s argument. Sam the Sham glowers. Sauer rasps.

What about bribes for appointing an ambassador? Sauer rasps.

Thomas must have gotten a text from Ginni as he chimed in to help the raspy mouthpiece. Sauer cites Ed Meese. I hate meeses to pieces.

Alito: blah, blah, blah.

Sotomayor is confused by Sauer. Who isn’t?

Sauer offers a stool sample. I mean, a stool analogy.

The former solicitor general chimes in: Elena Kagan. She asks about the perfect phone calls made by Defendant Trump, Sauer claims that’s an official act. He just put the oy in oyez.

Sauer going all Founding Fathers on Kagan’s ass. She’s not convinced. Neither am I.

Sauer back to the must be impeached first argument in the context of ordering a military coup. He’s rasping all over the place. Schmuck.

Kagan is kicking the Raspatollah’s ass. Where’s the immunity clause, asswipe? They knew how to write such a clause.

Gorsuch back to taking a bribe for job selling, which is banned by Congress. Imagine that. Sauer raspily equivocates.

Self pardoning? Sauer raspily equivocates.

Kavanaugh asks about DOJ office of legal counsel policy about not charging president while in office. Sauer makes that universal. Rasp, rasp, rasp.

Back to Barrett. Impeachment isn’t the gateway to charges against, say, the Supremes. Sauer rasps unconvincingly.

Barrett sounds like she’s likely to vote against Trump. Raspy squirm from Sauer.

All the way back to KBJ. Sauer wants to parse official and private acts as a way to get his client off the hook. Rasp, rasp.

Really hoping they only give Sauer an hour, so we get a break before his rebuttal argument. His voice is getting to me. He’s not old enough to be Froggy in the Our Gang comedies but he sounds like him. Rasp, rasp, rasp.

KBJ is annoyed by Sauer’s circular arguments. Who isn’t? Raspy schmuck.

Yay, it’s over for now.

The next bit will be shorter because Team Smith’s argument makes sense.

Michael Dreeben of Team Smith for the United States of America:

Starts by refuting the impeachment argument. Will he quote the Turtle?

Thomas interrupts immediately. Is he wearing MAGA boxer shorts?

Dreeben argues that absolute immunity does not exist. Thomas demurs after receiving a text from Ginni. Sauer rasps silently.

Roberts quotes DC circuit opinion and throws some shade at Dreeben.

Dreeben: There’s no immunity to take away, John Boy.

Alito intervenes to fluff Trump. Good thing it’s a small mouthful. Sauer silently rasps in assent.

Kavanaugh asks Dreeben if he has a brewski. I made that up.

Gorsuch piles on. No beer for you, Neil.

Gorsuch offers a hypo of president leading a protest in front of Congress. It’s what Sauer’s client wanted to do on 1/6/2021. Dreeben shoots it down but Gorsuch keeps firing.

Sotomayor jumps in to help Dreeben from his drubbing at the hands of Gorsuch.

Sotomayor: If president isn’t covered by criminal law, how can he be impeached for high crimes and misdemeanors?

Sotomayor invites Dreeben to bitch slap some right wingers. He gives a more nuanced response. Well played.

Alito: Presidency is a tough job. What about mistakes? Dreeben, mistakes aren’t crimes.

Alito gets abstract. It’s what he does best.

More condescension from Sam the Sham. The malakatude, it burns. Dreeben’s response is strong but Alito interrupts.

Alito makes an eclipse funny. Raspy laugh from Sauer.

Alito droning on and on and on. Sounds ready to overrule a precedent or take a right away. Oops, wrong case.

Let someone else speak Sam. Don’t be such a wooly bully:

Alito is a schmuck. Is he wearing Mussolini boxer shorts?

Alito nattering on about self pardon danger if bonkers immunity not granted. Once again putting the oy in oyez.

Sotomayor takes another bite at the apple. Judiciary must be able to review presidential acts. Bonkers immunity goes against that.

Kagan takes over. If Sam speaks again, I’m going to scream.

Kagan on valid presidential powers. Coup plotters need not apply.

Kagan circles back to official versus unofficial argument. It’s a fat pitch over the plate for Dreeben to knock out of the park. Shorter Adrastos: Sauer is full of shit.

Dreeben reminds the world that fake elector schemes are campaign acts, not official acts.

Gorsuch speaks again. The spelling should be changed to Gorsuck,

Justice Bro DBA Brett Kavanaugh seems to want a limited ruling in favor of DOJ. Then he wants a beer. He likes beer.

This thing is lasting forever; currently trapped by the Justice from Metry DBA Amy Coney Barrett. How many Irish Catholic Justices does SCOTUS need?

One more trip around the dance floor with Justice Jackson. I’m beat.

Dreeben did a good job, but he’s a dry speaker, which is okay in this context. None of the Justices are exactly orators even if Alito is in love with the sound of his voice.

I believe the hands in the picture belong to Thomas and Alito who are in the bag with Sauer. Sounds like a tight fit.

Sauer is merciful and offers no rebuttal. Rasp, rasp.

That concludes the MELOB.

BOTTOM LINE; Trump loses on absolute immunity, but opinion will dilute impact because I expect something along the lines of a 5-2-2 opinion. That means 7 votes against bonkers immunity with the MAGA wing of the court in dissent. There will be no unanimity a la the Burger Court in Nixon v. United States. FYI. Rehnquist recused himself in that case. Holy shit, I said something nice about Warren Burger and William Rehnquist.

The last word goes to Roy Orbison: