Writing about the Trump porn star hush money election interference trial has been frustrating. Courtroom atmospherics are almost as important as the substance and it’s difficult to get a feel for what’s going on when relying on live blogs, tweets, and the like. As near as I can tell, prosecutor Joshua Steinglass stuck the landing and Todd Blanche was all over the place despite having a few good sound bites.

Both lawyers went on too long, which made yesterday the longest day by far at the trial. In the interests of fairness, Judge Merchan insisted that the two summations be on the same day and the jury went along. My back hurts just thinking about sitting in a chair for roughly 8 hours of legal bloviation.

The jury has begun deliberating as I write this, so I’ll do a brief summary of yesterday’s action.

We begin with Defendant Trump who opened the day by whining on his pump and dump scam social media site:

That’s how it’s done in the Empire State, numb nuts. Where I used to practice, the prosecution goes first and gets to rebut the defense. If Trump were on trial in the Gret Stet of Louisiana, that’s what he’d be whining about. The Kaiser of Chaos is the whiniest person on the planet. It makes me wanna plotz.

Most of the problems with Todd Blanche’s closing were caused by the defense’s chief legal strategist, the Indicted Impeached Insult Comedian. Blanche was stuck with arguing that Trumpy didn’t shtup Stormy, a claim that nobody believes. If Melania Trump believed it, she would have attended at least some of the trial. The jurors surely noticed her absence.

Blanche also barely laid a glove on David Pecker or Hope Hicks even though their testimony was damned damaging. We all know who was behind this misbegotten strategy. Has the Kaiser of Chaos forgotten that he can’t pardon his way out of a conviction in this case?

Blanche focused instead on Michael Cohen. He got off a few memorable lines about the former Fixer calling him the MVP of liars and “the human embodiment of reasonable doubt.”

Then there was this passage taken from Josh Kovensky’s live trial blog at TPM:

“Have you guys heard of the GOAT? The greatest of all time,” Blanche says. “People talk about Michael Jordan, Tom Brady. The greatest of all time. The greatest among peers. Michael Cohen is the GLOAT. He is the greatest liar of all time.”

I’ve never liked the acronym GOAT, which is typically used in sports. Being a goat used to be bad but now it means something altogether different. The GLOAT thing was not bad. It made me laugh.

Prosecutor Joshua Steinglass’ closing was thorough and longer than a 21st Century Scorsese film. Let’s see what the Boy Wonder thought of it:

The argument’s length was likely less painful for the jury since by all accounts, Steinglass is a rarity: a likable lawyer. This was his best line:

“We didn’t choose Michael Cohen to be our witness. We didn’t pick him up at the witness store. The defendant chose Michael Cohen to be his fixer because he was willing to cheat and lie on his behalf.”

That also made me laugh.

Steinglass is out to win the case. Hence the detailed presentation, which may also reflect who the defendant is. Surely, someone in the Manhattan DA’s office is familiar with the Omar Little Maxim:

Blanche is doing what the defense bar has always done when one’s client is guilty: focus on reasonable doubt and hope for a hung jury. Been there, done that. I think the chances of an outright acquittal are slim and none and slim just fled the country in his private plane.

I’m not going to indulge in any predictions as following a trial by live blog and tweet is less than desirable. If I were a juror, I’d vote to convict but I’m the Vote Against The Crook guy, so I wouldn’t have made it through voir dire.

I’m also not going to predict how long it will take for the jury to reach a verdict. There’s a lot of evidence to plow through and 34 charges to vote on, so I expect the jury to take its time. It’s important to get this right. This verdict will be one for the history books.

And now we wait.

I prefer the term closing argument to summation. That’s why the last word goes to Leonard Cohen (no relation) followed by Fairport Convention: