I originally planned to call this post Vote Against The Drunk, It’s Important. Since my vote against the crook posts didn’t work, I decided to bag that idea in favor of a Top Ten list.

To say that Pete Hegseth is unfit to serve as Secretary of Defense is an understatement. Of course, he’s been nominated by someone equally unfit. The main difference between the two is that the Insult Comedian is a teetotaler and Hegseth is a boozer. As of this writing, Trump stands by Hegseth, but we’ve seen him fold before.

Stories about Hegseth’s drinking have been oozing out of the muck that is Fox News. If his colleagues at that sleazy outfit think he’s unfit, he’s really unfit. The featured image was compiled and leaked by a Fox colleague. It shows the nominee as a party animal on Friday night then as a visibly hungover host the next morning. That’s not a good look for someone picked to lead the Pentagon.

Hegseth is not the first Sec Def nominee with a drinking problem. In 1989, there was Texas Senator John Tower who was qualified in every way but one: He was a drunken sexpest. Poppy Bush stood by his fellow Texan, but the nomination was defeated 53-47 by Tower’s colleagues. That’s how Dick Cheney came to be Defense Secretary then Veep. I hope he wrote Tower a thank you note.

A reminder that promising not to drink while in office means you’re losing.

That was a long preamble to a short and snappy list. I’m trying something different this time and inserting some relevant musical interludes.

I give you without further ado The Top Ten Reasons Pete Hegseth Is Unfit:

NUMBER TEN: He enlisted his mommy to bail out his troubled nomination. I thought he was 44, not 4.

NUMBER NINE, NUMBER NINE, NUMBER NINE: He’s not good enough to be on Fox weekdays but he’s good enough to run the Pentagon?

NUMBER EIGHT: Trump thinks he looks the part, but high cheekbones and a strong chin don’t matter in the situation room.

NUMBER SEVEN: He has zipper issues that almost make the Kaiser of Chaos look like a monk. Almost.

NUMBER SIX: He claims not to have washed his hands in years. In a word: Gross.

NUMBER FIVE: He was forced out of the National Guard because of an extremist tattoo.

NUMBER FOUR: He’s an avowed Christian Nationalist.

NUMBER THREE:  He plans to fire allegedly woke generals if his nomination succeeds. There are woke generals? I thought only Coach Senator Tommy Tuberville was stupid enough to believe that shit.

NUMBER TWO: He’s a sexist pig who thinks women belong in the kitchen, not the military.

NUMBER ONE: He’s a drunken sexpest like John Tower who was at least qualified. Pete Hegseth is not.

The last word goes to Squeeze: