I try to keep my personal complaints off First Draft, but there’s an exception to every rule. In this case, I started off angry about something, which strikes me as funny now. I got a Chewy shipment and whoever packed it, placed a one pound box of Milk Bone treats under two nineteen pound boxes of cat litter. It was, of course, crushed. Chewy responded well and sent a replacement box. But who packs like that? Oy, just oy.

In case you’re wondering, the Milk Bones are for our next door neighbor’s sweet pit bull. We give him treats in exchange for his never barking at us. It’s a win-win deal; or is that woof-woof?

I’ve been reading Rodney Crowell’s memoirs, Chinaberry Sidewalks, hence this week’s theme song. Rodney wrote Earthbound for his 2003 album Still Learning How To Fly. It features some stellar banjo picking by Bela Fleck.

Let’s keep our feet on terra firma with two different songs titled Earthbound:

If you were expecting sci-fi in our second act, you’re SOL For the uninitiated that means shit out of luck. Why isn’t it shortened to SOOL? Discuss amongst yourselves.

Instead of little green men and shit, we have two segments about history. Foggy history? Maybe so.

2026 will be the 250th anniversary of the signing of the Declaration of Independence, which we choose to treat as America’s birthday. Those of us who were around in 1976 will surely remember these:

Bicentennial Minutes: I’ll let the NYT’s TV critic James Poniewozik explain what I’m on about:

Fifty years ago on CBS, the revolution was televised, if only for a minute at a time.

 

From July 4, 1974, through the end of 1976, “Bicentennial Minutes” took 60 seconds in prime time between some of TV’s most popular shows to have celebrities, artists and politicians tell viewers what had happened 200 years ago that day, in the early years of the American Revolution.”

I have fond memories of the Bicentennial. It was easier to say and spell than Semiquincentennial. That’s the 250th but it will take place under the dark cloud of Trump 2.0. In 1976, we put Watergate and our other differences behind us but that will be harder this time around for Trumpier reasons. Le sigh.

There are few Bicentennial Minutes online, so we’ll close the segment with two tunes from that time:

Let’s set the Wayback Machine to 1914 and check out a photo essay from The New Yorker. Do they read it in Poofter’s Froth, Wyoming? No. It’s a figment of Zappa’s imagination, not a real town.

The First World War In Sharp Focus: Ewart Tempest was a British intelligence officer who served in what I prefer to call The Great War. He was a salesman IRL and a gifted amateur photographer. His wartime photos are the stars of a piece by Ed Caesar. Hail Caesar.

Get thee to the New Yorker to see Tempest’s photos for yourself.

The last word of our second act goes to Ringo Starr:

We begin our third act with our favorite stolen feature.

Separated At Birth Casting Edition: It’s time for our very own Bicentennial Minute featuring a General whose name will live in infamy. Aidan Quinn played Benedict Arnold in Benedict Arnold: A Question Of Honor. Here he is with Kelsey Grammer who played George Washington:

Dig that facial expression. Quinn has always specialized in angsty characters. In the case of Benedict Arnold, it leaves me cold. What’s worse than cold Eggs Benedict?

Your Weekly Oscar: Speaking of eggs, we have an OP-Irving Berlin doubleheader this week.

Have I told you lately how much I love Oscar Peterson?

The Best Of Letterman: I have no interest in seeing the new Superman movie. I am, however, glad that it bugs MAGA maggots. Trumpers are the silliest silly-billies of all.

I may not want to see the new movie, but I enjoyed watching these super clips.

Saturday GIF Horse: I made some banana peel jokes in my Shecky’s Six Pack Of Links post this week. Buster Keaton and Charlie Chaplin knew their way around physical comedy and banana peels.

Slip, Buster, slip.

Slip, Charlie, slip.

The Earworm Zone: I’m relieved that most of my earworms are benign. I’ve had this John-Taupin classic in my head all week. Does that make me a Madman Across The Water? Beats the hell outta me.

Let’s close down shop with some relics from 1976.

Saturday Closer: I did some more digging and unearthed two Bicentennial Minutes on the YouTube.

That’s all for this week. The last word goes to a Great War era Australian military band as photographed by Ewart Temple.