This post was originally called The Trump Method: Lying & Winging It. The title was discarded because the second half was too literal and the first half a misfire; ain’t nothing methodical about the Kaiser of Chaos. Instead, I went with a catchphrase made famous by Jon Lovitz when he was on SNL: Yeah, that’s the ticket.
The Lovitz character in question is Tommy Flanagan, pathological liar. He was a sweaty and weaselly creep who usually spread his lies in the Weekend Update segment. Flanagan was obsessed with beautiful blonde TV star Morgan Fairchild to whom he claimed to be married. How Trumpy is that?
Yeah, that’s the ticket.
Let’s place a cherry on this satirical sundae: Lovitz is a raving monster MAGA maggot and Fairchild a lifelong liberal who loathes the Insult Comedian. Here’s a sample of Lovitz’s work, which includes lies about the Iran-Contra scandal as well as the fair Ms. Fairchild:
Yeah, that’s the ticket.
Why am I on about Trump’s lying again? Everyone knows he’s a liar, right? Not quite.
The legacy media continues to tiptoe around Trump’s rabid mendacity with talk of his spreading confusion with his endless stream of contradictory commentary about the Iran War. That’s a half-truth: He *is* spreading confusion but it’s down to his incessant lies. That’s why Lawrence O’Donnell always calls Trump a pathological liar. Larry from Dorchester is a straight shooter; Donnie from Queens is not.
Yeah, that’s the ticket.
There’s a practical reason not to lie: It’s hard to keep your stories straight. It’s like a juggler with too many bowling pins in the air, eventually some of them will drop, hit the ground and even the liar’s foot. Ouch. That’s happening right now.
The Kaiser of Chaos is threatening to blow up even more shit in Iran. He’s issued an ultimatum to the Persian theocrats: Open the Strait of Hormuz or face destruction of Iran’s power plants. Do they believe this threat? I’m not sure I do. He’s lied about things both more and less important. Lying is his jam.
Yeah, that’s the ticket.
The Trump method, such as it is, involves making extreme statements, then crawfishing after they crash and burn. In the case of the power plants, the deadline has gone from 48 hours to 5 days. On Wall Street they call this a TACO: Trump Always Chickens Out. Will he take the TACO off ramp to escape his Persian peril? Beats the hell outta me. I don’t believe anything that comes out of this administration, especially leaks about the Iran War.
Repeat after me: The presumption of regularity is dead. Long live the presumption of irregularity.
President Pennywise has resumed telling the Iranian people to rise up against their oppressors. If he cares so much about them, why is he threatening to bomb their country back to the stone age? He’s lying, that’s why. It’s what he does.
Yeah, that’s the ticket.
I considered using a number from the Liar Song Dozen as the last word, but that struck me as too literal. Instead, the last word goes to The Beatles, just change ride to lie and Donnie’s your mendacious uncle.
Yeah, that’s the ticket.