Department of Is That All?

So no innocent people were spied on.

That’s okay, then.

God, what were we all so upset about?

Had I known, you see, all along that it’s okay to harm the guilty, I’d have done a lot more to make the world a better place. Run down some drug dealers with my car. Bought a gun off that guy who offered to sell me one in college and shot the asshole ex-neighbor who used to beat up his kid. Murder’s against the law, of course, but I’d only kill the ones who meant to cause others trouble.

Pet store near my house rips people off. Sold a girl I know a sick animal and then said it was her fault when it died. Think I’ll go boost some food and litter from the place. Stealing’s against the law, but they’re crooks. They deserve it.

I’ve got a neighbor, comes and goes at all hours. Would love to get into his apartment and find out what it is he’s up to. It’s against the law, breaking and entering, but I’m pretty sure he’s up to no good.

If only I’d known all these laws were only to protect me, not the criminals. If only I’d known laws were malleable that way, that they changed depending on the intent of the lawbreaker, oh, the things I could have gotten done. The better world I would have made.

Atrios says the president is a criminal. True, but reductive.

The president is a vigilante.

It’s not just that he broke the law. It’s that he’s now saying, proudly, I broke the law, and it’s okay because my friends (the heads of Senate committees who were briefed) said so, and it’s okay because the people I broke the law to spy on were bad people.

They were, after all, Muslims in America.

That’s okay, then.

A.