Dead Man’s Chest

Okay, so Pirates of the Caribbean 2?

Come inside and we’ll discuss the hotness. Er. The plotline. Yeah.

First, the hot: Now I’ll admit my crush on Keira Knightley was stronger when she was still eating solid food, but I still love her funny little pixie face and her speaking voice. The Orlando Bloom fan-train I think I’m about 15 years too old for. I feel squicky admiring him, because he looks young enough to be my legal kid. And I’ve never been a Johnny Depp swooner, though he is lots of silly fun in this movie.

No, I’m all about Commodore Norrington, the most misunderstood, unsung character in the history of … well, Pirates of the Caribbean movies. I must be the only girl on earth who secretly wanted Elizabeth to throw over Will for him, because it would defy the movie convention that Steady and Stable and Grown-Up leads to Dumped, whereas Wild and Untamed leads to True Love. Hork. Can’t tell you how thrilled I was to see him get a fat storyline and then turn evil. Because if anybody’s got an excuse, he does.

Davy Jones? Scary. Cracken? I kept thinking about Calamari. Yummy. Will’s dad? Why’d they cram that in there? Voodoo priestess? Hot. Costumes? Get me whoever made those corsets. Set design? Props? Pretty! This was a whole lot of fun, and somebody in fandom will probably shoot me but I enjoyed its unabashed silliness a lot more than I did the earnestness of Superman. It wasn’t like Batman Begins or Serenity, where I had all these expectations and things I was hoping would happen. I wanted to eat popcorn and see stuff blowing up and laugh at clunky dialogue and admire people in various degrees of dampness and undress.

Sometimes you just want a little brain candy, you know? This was Brain Pixie Stix.

A.

ps. Lady across the aisle from us with the infant swaddled in a blanket? That was an extremely well-behaved baby and I wish I’d taken the time to compliment you on his generally kicking ass at the whole baby thing. He slept through the entire film! Way to go, little guy!