That Guy

It’s hysterically sad and tragically funny when you read a parody and think, “You know, this is just like a conversation I had a couple of weeks ago.

You know what we need? A database of snappy comebacks for wingnut relatives and people who just can’t leave it alone during the holidays. I’m not talking about ways to pick a fight. Despite my online persona, I don’t actually like going out and deliberately bugging the shit out of people who I know disagree with me. It’s rude. I don’t like it when they play “bait the liberal” so, according to the rules of Liberal Hippie Jesus, I shouldn’t do it to them.

But there’s always somebody at the dinner table who can’t take “Let’s not talk about politics” as anything other than a dare.

What to say to such people? I’ve tried combative (“Shove it, why don’t you.”), religious (“So your Jesus is pretty much about screwing the poor, right?”), and stony silence. Maybe it’s time to do disappointed (“I really expected more tact and consideration from someone like you.”).

Anybody got a sure-fire, quick-witted way to get out of uncomfortable situations with jackasses like Hummer Man this weekend?

A.

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