13 thoughts on “An Entirely Random Question

  1. Grill size can be correlated to the entire bigger is better movement of the late 90’s and into the 2000’s. Which in itself can be traced back to (you guessed it) the eternal “my dick is bigger than your dick” smackdown first recorded in Genesis.
    Why? To fill those gigantic patios attached to those gigantic McMansions with their multi-gigantic attached garages filled with Escalades and Navigators.

  2. The size of my grill is related to my feelings of inadequacies in the bedroom and my guilt over not doing as much housework as my wife yet she provides about 50 percent of our joint income.
    The more guilt I feel the bigger the grill.
    Also since grilling is often the only time neocon men will cook the wives are all for whatever makes them want to cook more often. They will say yes to riding mowers, high-tech vacuum cleaners and robotic floor sweepers just to get the guys to do 10 percent more work around the house.
    The ironic part? After the by the bbq the don’t use it that often because after the thrill wears off they realize that they are COOKING! Clearly woman’s work. My next innovation?
    Grill with a TV build into the hood. Gas powered. Heat resistant. Wide screen.

  3. Yes, spocko, a good idea, but what happens when you discover that hidden behind the TV is a storage spot for tampons and minipads?

  4. First off, many thanks to all of you for your kind thoughts and words for Mom and I this last week. They were/are much appreciated. We will miss him terribly – but he had reached that point where he was happier to go than we were to let him…
    Mr lb would go on in great detail about the difference between BBQ (indirect heat) and grill (Webber is king). There is some excuse for big for BBQ (or at least a separate firebox, thoug the egg things are intriguing..) but the mega gas grill nonsense seems to me to be exactly the food equivalent to SUV’s – and exactly as satisfying!

  5. They’ve grown along with baby strollers, which are now equipped with more bumpers and padding than NFL players. Next, air bags and elephant grilles? A double-wide baby stroller can no longer fit down a CVS aisle, and its parent always assumes that everyone in its path will move out of the aisle without hesitation. “Hey, I’m a parent here, cancha SEE?”

  6. it’s a men and their toys thing. bigger apparently is always better. insert tool time grunt here.
    of course my issue is cas/charcoal. hate gas. but then i discovered frying hambergers(David letterman’s mom’s recipe), was just as good and i said fuck smoke and the rest. baby weber is rotting in garage.

  7. At some point over the weekend I had the couch-magnets turned up to 11 and stumbled across some “BBQ-U” grilling show on the local PBS outlet. To heck with the size – I had no idea how many different combinations and configurations there were (and I think they used every one in just that episode). But yeah, A’s right – for one “dish” there was a grille that seemed to be the size of an above-ground swimming pool. And if I recall correctly, the guy was using a (clean) garden hoe to push food around.
    Why big grilles? Same reason for Triple Whoppers and 800 ounce soft drinks I suppose…
    And I totally agree on the “fried” burgers – that’s what i grew up with. Quality moo in a cast iron skillet. Can’t be beat 😉

  8. My daughhter and son-in-law bought a huge gas monster, all stainless and chrome, to grill on. But, I have to concede they did have a reason. When they have parties they like to grill burgers and chicken breasts for everyone at once, and that takes a big grill. Now, I don’t want one, and I especially don’t want to take care of one, but there may be a similar reason behind some of the monsters.
    What I don’t understand at all is the huge outdoor kitchen arrangements, with lots of bricks, a stainless counter, at least one big gas grill, and a gas stove, plus a sink, and for all I know, a refrigerator. All of it seems like a great home for spiders and yellow jackets. Personally I like air conditioning too much to ever want to cook a whole meal outdoors.

  9. A great conversation stopper…”It’s become so obvious that we buy our vehicles in inverse proportion to our penis size. Excuse me, it seems my Mini is blocking someone’s H2.”
    I know the grill I inherited from the in-laws is way to big for two steaks and two baked potatoes. The WeberQ is perfect, as are those inexpensive hibachi’s. If I ever get into the entertaining circuit again, I could see a larger grill plumbed into natural gas. But most of the grills I see in use on the weekend could be half to a third of the size and still accommodate the food.
    Now a really nice brick and mortar barbecue pit would be very nice.

  10. Could it have something to do with the fact that people are cooking less and eating prepared foods more? This was predicted by the material feminists, and it seems to have come to pass. When a useful item loses its usefulness, it is often fetishized. So, the automobile brought us the rise of the horse as a social totem along with polo and riding to the hounds. As corporal punishment was abandoned in the late 19th century, it became S&M. As washing machines made laundry simpler, napkin rings, a device for saving on laundry, became a class marker. As pens became more reliable and less likely to leak, pocket protectors became a high nerd necessity. As people gave up cooking, they filled their kitchens with fetish appliances, including monster grills.
    My big hobby is cooking. Women are suckers for a good meal, and besides, I get to eat better this way too. We’ve made duck confit from scratch, smoked our own pastrami, made our own cheese and cooked just about everything, animal and vegetable, in what would be considered a galley kitchen. We know, from actual experience and from our friends in the restaurant business, what a kitchen actually requires with regards to preparing food. Hint: it isn’t a stainless steel dishwasher, a glass front refrigerator or a Viking stove. In fact, I’d guess that those are just fetish objects, and sure signs that no one is actually doing any cooking.
    In the old days, dad would get out and grill up some burgers and hot dogs for the family. (Actually, I did the grilling, but my dad taught me how). Nowadays, dad is working too hard and probably grills less often. The grill is no longer useful. It has become a fetish object, and as with so many fetish objects, the bigger the better.

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