I’m actually kind of fond of this movement.
This should be fun. Ohio Talibangelist Rod Parsley, one of the infamous Patriot Pastors who backed homophobe GOP candidate Ken Blackwell for governor in last year’s election, is beating the drum to have dust-laden state adultery laws enforced.
Parsley, head of the pious Center for Moral Clarity, practically had a boner over a recent case in Michigan, where its second-highest court ruled that anyone involved in an extramarital fling can be prosecuted for first-degree criminal sexual conduct — a felony that could land you in prison for life.
This would actually give the Save Marriage! crowd some cred, if they recognized that part of saving marriage involves the lawfully wedded not fucking other people without their spouse’s permission. This would actually be a way of targeting some of the things that break people up.
It would be great watching some cheating scumbags thrown in jail, I have to admit. Lock up the asshole who’s screwing his secretary. Hold up for public ridicule the councilman diddling the maid. Put on trial in the most public fashion possible the guy who thought it was a good idea to bang his carpooling partner while his wife thought he was working late. Those needy dickheads who have “office wives,” too, and the girls who think “he doesn’t understand me” is an excuse to frack his brother. Generally anybody who doesn’t have the balls to break up with someone before they cheat? In the slammer they go.
And it can’t stop there. This is just the beginning. We can lock up guys who sarcastically refer to their wives as “the boss.” Mandate that each landlord in the nation install a dishwasher in every apartment unit no matter how small or old. Provide government-subsidized babysitting so couples can get out of the house more than once a month. Allow you to tax-deduct condoms, lube and Dido CDs, and write off your florist charges up to $500 a year. An end to snoring, a cure for the common cold, and a pill that wipes out morning breath throughout the land.
I personally know my own marriage would be a hell of a lot happier if we could somehow get all Chinese restaurants to drop delivery charges, so when the Patriot Pastors are done plastering scarlet letters all over the vile betrayers, maybe they can work on that, too.