Declare, or Shut the Fuck Up

Guess what, bigots?

You’re just going to have to say it now.

You don’t like the idea of two people being allowed the same civil protections guaranteed you and your wife/husband by our Constitution because Teh Buttsecks freaks you out. Yes, you’re exactly that absurd, and yes, you’re going to have to say that with a vote. You’re going to have to punch a card that says, “I don’t want somebody else to be protected under the law because I have a childish squick and a deeply unhealthy obsession about how other people live their lives.” You’re going to have to pick up your little pen-thing and poke a screen next to the answer that declares that you, Voter, are abigot. End of story. End of argument. End of credibility. End of this fiction that says you’re not really hateful, you’re not really mean, you’re not really what you really, really are. End of it all.

No more weaseling around, no more “well, I’d be fine with Teh Ghey if Rosie O’Donnell would just shut up,” no more “I like gay people fine so long as all they do is decorate my house and don’t shove things down my throat,” no more “why can’t they just leave me alone with their demands for equality and justice, huh, their stupid humanity is pissing me off.” No more.

You’re going to have to admit what you don’t want to admit, which is that you just don’t like gay people. And you’ve lived long enough in this new world of ours to know that bigotry, no matter how good your Republican buds over in the Malkin comments tell you it feels, is a really shitty thing. You know you’re not supposed to want to discriminate, but for the last dozen election cycles or so you’ve had all kinds of code language to hide behind, all kinds of “protect marriage” bullshit to make you feel like you’re not abad person, you’re not like some member of Klan or something, you just want to make our society anice place, like Pleasantville on acid, pretending it’s not about bigotry at all.

Hell, you’ve barely had to mention “gay” or “equal” or “same-sex” or “Constitution” at all as you march around like the Dolores Umbridge of American matrimony, enforcing sweetness and light with your tight little smiles and your euphemisms. You’ve been able to be encouraged to be the asshole that you’ve always wanted to be, because you haven’t had to bemean about it or anything. Well, guess fucking what? That’s done now, that fiction. That served nobody, not even you. And guess fucking what else? That twinge in the back of your throat that makes you uncomfortable with the “harsh language” of that amedment?

THAT’S YOUR GODDAMN CONSCIENCE. Sorry if the heat’s toasting the back of your neck a bit. Get used to it, though, because you’ve cut down all the trees, and there isn’t any shade to hide in anymore.

A.

9 thoughts on “Declare, or Shut the Fuck Up

  1. virgotex says:

    This is my favorite of the responses over at PHB.
    * “Our country is going to hell in a hand basket, and no one even seems to care. if good people don’t start standing up for their beliefs, then they will get what they allowed to happen to them, happens. This is a shame, George Washington, must be turning over in his grave. The other sad part, is, that many current immigrants, don’t even know who i am talking about,.”
    To paraphrase “And another thing! While we’re on the topic, I also hate brown people!”

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  2. virgotex says:

    Also meant to add: “I don’t, know how to use, commas.”

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  3. pansypoo says:

    forget the icky part. don’t the not gays keep harping about sex out of marriage being bad?

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  4. Huzzah to A!!! šŸ™‚ And Huzzah! to Jerry Brown for wording it the way it should be!!! Uptight pseudo-xtians are BIGOTS!!! It hurts NOONE for same-sex couples to marry if they so choose! Cripes, like banning their marrying would end the whole hoe-moe-seck-u-ell lifestyle, it WON’T! It’s just a thing of being a living, breathing, sexual creature who happens to find a more heartfelt affinity w/those of your same gender. SO FUCKING WHAT!?!?
    Is ‘that’ what is keeping my brutally straight-gal self from settling down w/a man??? Hell NO! Maybe if they banned assholes from being allowed to date and mislead their ‘beloved’, there would be a better marriage success rate, but that has no bearing on gender preference!
    I am sooooo sick of ‘teh stoopits’ – they make my brain hurt…hey, that’s it, can we ban non-thinkers from voting??? Most of the fucking uptight rethuglican-types make the contestants in the Upperclass Twit of the Year contest look like Mensa members. I want a “Defense of Intelligence” act! All of the mouth-breathers would have to be incarcerated.
    Thanks A, fab piece!!!
    Elspeth

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  5. MapleStreet says:

    Virgotex, and may I point out that immigrants seem more likely that natives to learn a little bit about the US? And if you’re going for citizenship, you actually have to pass a test asking about the US govt and history.

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  6. virgotex says:

    yes, Maple Street, one of my co-workers just finalized her US citizenship- the other day she was quizzing us on US History. She knew more than most of the rest of us.

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  7. racymind says:

    I am your love slave, you don’t even have to gay-marry me… or have any buttsecks.

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  8. Rudolph Schmidt says:

    You liberal loonies are always good for a hearty laugh! I would need a chainsaw to cut through your pomposity. Your entire philosophy on life is “anything goes,” and anybody who practices a faith which does not condone homosexual behavior is “close minded.” I can’t imagine how frustrating it is to be so jealous of people with faith, people who have black and white right and wrongs, people who have a moral compass, people who believe in a set of lifestyles and rules — that you spend your angry liberal lives stomping your feet and holding your breath, hoping that the strong faith of people with values will dissolve. If anything, YOU are the close-minded people, since you have completely discounted any notion of absolute right and wrongs in this world. Oh, and how I cannot wait to hear your feet stomping come November when your little Barry Hussein is defeated! Perhaps the “Rev.” Jeremiah “I hate white people but live in a rich white suburb” Wright has a spare bedroom in his new mansion!

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  9. pansypoo says:

    penis goes where?
    rudolph says.

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