Miracle Cure!

It seems that Rev. Ted Haggard is a hetero after all. All that cock sucking and meth snorting was just “acting-out”. No, really.

One of four ministers who oversaw three weeks of intensive counseling for the Rev. Ted Haggard said the disgraced minister emerged convinced that he is “completely heterosexual.”

Haggard also said his sexual contact with men was limited to the former male prostitute who came forward with sexual allegations, the Rev. Tim Ralph of Larkspur told The Denver Post for a story in Tuesday’s edition.

“He is completely heterosexual,” Ralph said. “That is something he discovered. It was the acting-out situations where things took place. It wasn’t a constant thing.”

Straight or not, Haggard still has to get the hell out of Dodge Colorado Springs.

Haggard said in an e-mail Sunday, his first communication in three months to church members, that he and his wife, Gayle, plan to pursue master’s degrees in psychology. The e-mail said the family hasn’t decided where to move but that they were considering Missouri and Iowa.

Another oversight board member, the Rev. Mike Ware of Westminster, said the group recommended the move out of town and the Haggards agreed.

“This is a good place for Ted,” Ware said. “It’s hard to heal in Colorado Springs right now. It’s like an open wound. He needs to get somewhere he can get the wound healed.”

It was also the oversight board that strongly urged Haggard to go into secular work.

7 thoughts on “Miracle Cure!

  1. Ruth says:

    Sure he didn’t join the Symbionese Liberation Army too while he was being reprogrammed? Almost can feel sorry for the poor schmuck.

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  2. hoppycalif says:

    Religion requires that you operate based solely on beliefs, with no concern for obvious facts. So, Mr. Haggard is applying that principle – he sincerely believes that he is not gay or even bi-sexual, so that settles it for him. Of course when he moves to Missouri or Iowa and sees some of those muscular farmers, all sweaty and bare chested, smelling of the soil, nicely tanned, …

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  3. pansypoo says:

    psychology?
    again proving that you better make sure your shrink isn’t more fucked up than you.

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  4. donna says:

    I’m sure there’s a cushie job somewhere in the Bush administration for him.
    If he’s willing to shave his head.

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  5. ::mwah:: says:

    Everyone knows that shrinks are seriously crazy.
    (and bar managers are alcoholics, exotic dancers are whores, firefighters were once pyros when they were kids, etc.)
    Seriously.

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  6. ::mwah:: says:

    Everyone knows that shrinks are seriously crazy.
    (and bar managers are alcoholics, exotic dancers are whores, firefighters were once pyros when they were kids, etc.)
    Seriously.

    Like

  7. Is crystal meth ruining your or the life of someone you love?

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