Something Sadder Than McCain’s MySpace Friends

The McCain-Palin Forum.

In the unfortunate event that Obama should be elected president, let’s all relocate to Alaska and form our very own conservative republican community. Why Alaska?

Well, for one thing, the democratic/liberal population is relatively small there in comparison to the rest of the country. Most of these die-hard liberal democrats will be unlikely to want to leave their nice homes in New York and Washington and their beach condos in Florida and California, and relocate to the wilds of Alaska. And we’d have an AWESOME governor! And yes, even though we would still be living under U.S. laws, life in Alaska wouldn’t be quite as crazy as it would be in the lower 48, because by the time Obama gets through putting all his socialist ideas in place, things are going to get pretty wild and the economy will undoubtably go haywire. And who knows what else might happen with Mr. O. and Mr. B. in charge, especially in the big cities. In Alaska, for the most part, we’d be away from all that.

Back in the 1800s, escaped slaves moved to Canada to avoid being recaptured by their owners (which the fugitive slave law of 1850 handily allowed the slaveholders to do) and formed their own communities. Hey, maybe we could all do the same if life gets to be too much for those of us republican conservatives who want to hold onto our beliefs, and who actually want to make a living, especially those who want to own their own business? If you don’t mind freezing your tail off in the wintertime. . .I think Alaska would be a great place for us to go!

What do the rest of you all say?

First of all, yes. Yes, being a supporter of an asshole and a moron is EXACTLY like being a slave. Harriet Tubman would be proud of you. Martin Luther King would stand and applaud. In fact, Martin Luther King might think you’re being reductive.You’re actually like Jesus, in a way.

Justkill me now.

Second, what did those caribou ever do to you?


13 thoughts on “Something Sadder Than McCain’s MySpace Friends

  1. And then, once they are all ensconced in their ‘shangri la’ – they can visit “Sarah’s Shack o’Pleasure” where MILFs are the specialty of the house everyday and Momma Palin is the Madam.
    If AK is SUCH a rethug stronghold, how come they are getting less and less enthused w/Sarah’s antics? Seems like they would be applauding her and cheering her on in the streets – parades in her name everyday, all newborn girls would be being named “Sarah” and “Milf-ie” and “Whore-tensia” in her honor, given their first shotgun and a gift card to the local LensCrafters for when they reach puberty – they, too, can get frameless specs.

  2. When I read this stuff, I wonder where these people live and what they do for a living. Seriously, take a look around:
    – Crashing markets
    – Spikes in unemployment
    – Budget cuts
    – Frozen credit markets
    – Record home foreclosure rates
    (All of this can’t be placed solely on George Bush, as they will point out, but when you’ve been driving the car for eight years, you can’t be absolved of all the wrong turns.)
    So here’s my question: How much WORSE could it GET? After EIGHT YEARS of screw up after screw up, of pandering to corporations who do nothing but take and take, after dumping billions into a war that’s not even getting us a place to set up a tourism economy, how much worse can this get if we turned the country over to Obama? I think he’ll be great, but what the hell do they see as maybe going away if he wins? Money, gone already. World status, gone already. Military lives and assets, way gone already… What the hell do you have to lose? What, you think he’s going to start strategically placing gay people near you after he steals your house (if it’s not gone already)?
    The problem with ideology is that you’re stuck supporting the ideology long after it makes sense to do so. These folks are like the last bastion of people in the 1500s still saying “Dude, the world is FLAT. I don’t care what those scurvy weasels say.”
    My way of thinking is that if someone can fix the problem, you go with that person. You wouldn’t tell the tow truck driver, “No thanks. I need to be towed by someone who doesn’t support gay marriage” when you’re broken down on the highway, it’s dark and they’re playing the music to “Wrong Turn” in the background. You take the tow.
    I hate ideology of this nature and quite frankly, if Obama dressed in drag and chose a retarded caribou to be his running mate, I’d vote for him if I thought he could save us from the downward spiral.
    Just like the smart NFL teams do it: Pick the best player on the board when your slot in the draft comes up.

  3. I think that there could be no better tonic to make a deluded wingnut [sic, see redundancy] see the light of “socialism” than to have them actually try to live and support themselves, not to mention start/raise/support a family, in a harsh environment like Alaska under a completely free-trade economic system. The first mass migration of wingnut dreamers would lead to outright civil war as the already established locals fought for scarce jobs and resources – and when I say “fought” I would point out that they are generally armed. If the locals didn’t get em the mosquitoes, moose, bears and temperatures would reduce the average wingnut to tears within weeks. Lord have mercy if they broke a leg or caught pneumonia and had no insurance. They’d be beggin’ and pleading and slobbering all over everything in sight to get back into elite liberal society with all of its FDR and such.
    Therefore, I say go for it. Stop whinin’ and start doin’. Sooner is better than later. Bon voyage. See ya. Don’t let the door smack ya on the ass on your way out. Break a leg.

  4. Besides, with Palin in charge, them lying bitches who really, really wanted it (cause they wore sexy clothes and had “that look”, you know) will have to think twice–and come up with the money for the rape kit–before they file false rape charges against upstanding, Christian men.
    Wingnut’s wet dream?

  5. I think this is a great idea and should be encouraged. I hate to wish this on the good progressives in Alaska, but hey, it’s a big place and there’s lots of room. Once they are all up there, we can take all that fencing that the haters are putting up along the US-Mexico border and give it to Canada to put up along their border with Alaska. Voila! Problem solved.

  6. Sorry, rdale, as appealing as this thought is, it’s a bad idea.
    First, what if Putin’s head floats into our airspace? Do you really want the rethugs as our first line of defense?
    Second, this would seriously damage our relationship with both Canada and Russia. Who would want concentrated wingnut on their border?
    Third, and I mean this one seriously, Alaska is too damned beautiful to let the rethuglican wingnuts destroy. And you know they would if they could.

  7. …BuggyQ, you make some compelling counterpoints to the argument of encouraging them to move to Alaska. Maybe we should encourage them to only move to the Aleutian Islands.
    We can tell ’em that “Most Dangerous Catch” is a Republican reality series on which they should try to get jobs as extras in order to “move the message”…

  8. the environment can’t hanfdle more publikans and they might even wake up when this is over. besides, gas is expensive up there. i bet they’d prefer mexico where they can take adavntage of brown people.

  9. I have a better idea.
    Let’s send ’em all to Haiti.
    The Haitians can then have what the wingers couldn’t carry with them.
    Alaska does not deserve these … people.

  10. So, they gonna pitch a tent and live off the land? They’re going to be in for a rude awakening regarding the Alaskan cost of living and employment availability.

  11. No, Alaska does not want them. Depite Sarah Palins religious proclivities, Alaska has the highest number of “unchurched” people in the nation. I’d like to keep it that way.

Comments are closed.